I have just spent three hours texting on the phone to my ex-partner, and it ended up in the usual Fuck Off. But during that I committed to writing a blog about what I didn’t know, a relative hard task because its about what I don’t know. Areas like how insecure I feel at times and how life confuses me. It seems the previous ones I wrote judging her personality based on my own defensiveness rather than any knowledge. I do not hold this to be totally true but apologise for causing her hurt in writing about her if it caused these feelings.
What do I feel insecure about? Many things: Insecure that I will fail in my new businesses, Insecure that I never feel my deepest emotions, Insecure that I will never respond to a woman in a way she feels worshiped, Insecure that I will always feel unlovable all my life and insecure that I will feel that if I let people get close to me they will reject me.
I am confused by how to meet a lovers needs, I am confused by fitting in, I am confused by feeling all the feels as my anger may get out of control, I am confused by what to do to be a good elder for my community, I am confused at the way the world is governed, it feels so wrong, I am confused by women’s intentions and I am confused by what it takes to find a woman who will love me for who I am.
So what has society said about insecurity and confusion, let’s take a walk down memory lane:
1. I’m not sure if I have as yet.
2. I have all three of these: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLmYZSu3NCc&list=PL6IfNZf-6l0gKdY4foPph_HTEm3nwrx8x&index=2
3. How many make your list?
4. They were for a while: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THeLVhU53ow&list=PLxXNIlld_SoIPdy-IW_b4ksQWqsfFO7e2&index=22
6. I’m learning this big time, and the things about me that don’t work as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM&list=PLxXNIlld_SoIPdy-IW_b4ksQWqsfFO7e2&index=28
7. This is why finding your perfect partner is so hard, because we all have these.
8. I haven’t as yet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXXQLa-5n5w&list=PLxXNIlld_SoIPdy-IW_b4ksQWqsfFO7e2&index=31
9. Not an easy thing to do.
10. Intuition is from innocence, Insecurity from your darkest places: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocDlOD1Hw9k&list=PLxXNIlld_SoIPdy-IW_b4ksQWqsfFO7e2&index=27&bpctr=1600577394
11. Hit the pause button and turn it onto play.
12. When this happens in your life it is a grand declaration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZLPSw8U8&list=PLxXNIlld_SoIPdy-IW_b4ksQWqsfFO7e2&index=26
13. Quite a broad recipe of circumstances of which insecurity is but one.
14. Not this takes something to meet on an equal plain: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYa1eI1hpDE&list=PLxXNIlld_SoIPdy-IW_b4ksQWqsfFO7e2&index=30
15. I plead guilty to this.
I wish to add some words by Jeanette LeBlanc, they relate to the writing of this:
Write the truth of yourself. As you know it. Right Now. In this exact moment and only this moment. Make your words sing with the hope of you , with the want of you, with the very blood and bones and guts of you Select the lines that speak your heart. Your sex. Your sacred. Spill yourself into this paragraph as if lives depend on it. Because your lives – every last one – do.
Today’s playlist is all pop diva’s except for the opening number. Gnash starts us off followed by Jess Glynne. Three of the biggies follow Christine Aguilera, Beyonce and Pink. Cobie Caillat is the penultimate diva and we finish with Taylor Swift: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrsm9HO0oD7BenIjEVeZoRGT
When the world is willing to recognise its insecurities and confusion we will be able to recognise that Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included will have a chance. My new tribe: Thriving People – People who wish to make a difference to humanity has this as its ethos, if you would like to join here is the link: https://bit.ly/2ERbjc9. Until we meet again my dear friends.