F.L.Y. – First Love Yourself!!


I have begun writing my blogs about how I feel about things in my life, I don’t want to write about having a cold or a dodgy knee so that leaves self-love. I went and saw my mentor Arion for my weekly session and as always he asked me what did I want to discuss. I said I would like to discuss why I am finding it hard to feel my ethos of Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included throughout my body.

He replied, but that is who you are for your friends and family. We went through a list of people and places I am a part of, he asked me if I asked them was I an example of Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included what would they say about me, I had to admit that they would probably say I was. So the next question was if 99 people were saying this about me that why was I not getting the message, this is when the old warhorse lack of self-love raised itself through my body.

It’s interesting the decisions we make as young children, I don’t remember coming to don’t allow yourself to be loved, because you will have to leave from moving a lot but at times it controls me. Loaded up with some breathwork exercises, I headed to the local library to sit in the rooftop garden and contemplate the session. It made me think what have the mystics and soothsayers said about self-love over the decades, here are some of them:

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1. Lending his popular voice to various topics, Steve’s books, quotes, videos, and memes have become a social media sensation; being shared by millions across the globe in more than 25 languages.

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2. I’m a step from this, I feel: Conceited.

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3. I forgot the last line on my tattoo.

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4. As is each of us: Irreplaceable.

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5. Dodinsky’s home page has been hacked by a casino site, Love this quote.

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6. Makes me think of that civil war statement, Rebel Yell: Rebel Yell.

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7. Has to be some Brene in the mix.

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8. Somewhere, Everywhere: Somewhere Over The Rainbow.

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9. Marvel comics know this relates to both women and men.

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10. Some of the really tough work, mirror work: I’m Still Standing.

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11. Not surprisingly I became Community Manager of a company called Collective Potential.

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12. This is because you actually have boundaries when you love yourself: Emotional Boundaries are Important.

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13. Perfection, the ultimate booby prize.

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14. Supposedly they are already there: Loving You.

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15. The final lesson, don’t devalue yourself.

Writing this has made me feel a lot better, time to look at the evidence, not listen to identity.

There are two great yells in the playlist today, and we may double the views of the young woman who has been viewed a mere 35 times. We begin with rap diva Remy Ma, then four icons from totally different era follow. Beyonce, Billy Idol, Ariana Grande and Elton John make them up. Then the little known Nadia Nelson and we finish with a classic from the 1970s by Minnie Riperton: F.L.Y. – First Love Yourself

I’m learning to include myself in Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included. Until we meet again my dear friends.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

 

 

Let Go of Your Mind and Then Be Mindful!!


I have been missing for a while, firstly a cold then a very painful knee that had me sitting very still for about a week. I returned to life by attending a Waking the Warrior workshop run by my friend and mentor Arion Light, if you are interested in Warrior of Love work here is the link to WOL land: Warriors of Love.

We travelled a journey that began in the Immature male, I could list the characteristics but give my readers enough intelligence to work them out for themselves. Starting here was to exemplify what hanging around there a lot costs you. We then moved onto the Mature Feminine, that part of our life that is often known as our intuition. Picking up the gifts from here allows us to move through the area our identity that you can hang out in for days and days, that of the immature feminine. As we are empowered by the mature feminine we learn to not hang around here as long and move on to that area of life that completes our Warriors of Love, the mature masculine, that enables you to get those things done you have wished to your whole life.

So are the distinctions Feminine energy and Masculine energy new to the planet, I went on a search via Google to see what had been produced, here are some of my favourites:

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1. From Sai Baba land we get this very succinct definition.

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2. I like how they have balanced the two energies in this meme: Balance

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 3. Kundalini was first mentioned during the 3rd to 9th centuries BCE in India, so the concept has been around for a very long time.

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4. Author of 18 books over a 40 year period Shakti Gawain is considered an expert on vibrational energies: Dance of the Sacred Union.

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5. This is the cost of the Immature male being dominant I was talking about.

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6. All contained within the one vessel, yours truly: All I Want.

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7. To acknowledge all four areas exist and keep moving between them.

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8. Immature, Mature, Toxic, Divine: whatever words work for you: Human.

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9. I liked the image, the quotes good too.

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10. Another oldie from the Buddha. This is one of the takeaways I got from the workshop, thanks Arion: Focus.

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11. Love the logic of this one.

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12. It’s very hard to be somewhere else than where you are: Whenever, Where-ever.

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13. I thought this was a great reminder not to become am immature, mature junkie.

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14. All is needed, the immature, the mature, the toxic, the divine: Light My Fire.

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15. And for our final lesson on the feminine and masculine is the addition of a powerful tool, that of the art of hugging the two together and passing on a gift to another so they can see the possibilities they may have missed.

I forgot to mention the four areas were drawn on top of your tree of life so that having power in them increased the power of your roots and branches in life. Funnily the workshop took place at a beautiful retreat centre called Vines and Branches.

Today’s playlist contains a song that has a mere 200 plays and one that has over 500.000.000 plays. Have a guess before you listen. We begin with two relative unknowns to me, Timaya and Anu Sophia Ra El. Then Kodaline followed by the deep tones of Rag and Bone Man. Two pop divas belt their songs out next, Ariana Grande and Shakira. We complete with The Doors: Let Go of Your Mind and Then Be Mindful!!

It’s not about being balanced 100% of the time but the journey. Add some Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included and who knows where the planet could end up. Until next time we meet, my dear friends.

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Can Your Inner Child Come Out And Play?


I came in contact with my five-year-old inner child in a session with my mentor on Wednesday, I was researching how to define the influence your inner child can have on you when I came across a beautiful article from LonerWolf, they define it as:

No matter how big or small, almost all of us experienced some kind of trauma as children. These traumas could vary from having your favourite stuffed toy thrown in the trash, to being abandoned by your best childhood friend, to being physically or emotionally abused by your parents.

Inner child work is a vital component of inner work because it reconnects us with a wounded element of ourselves: the child within. When we reconnect with this fragmented part of ourselves, we can begin to discover the root of many of our fears, phobias, insecurities and sabotaging life patterns. This is where true healing happens!

Inner child work is the process of contacting, understanding, embracing and healing your inner child. Your inner child represents your first original self that entered into this world; it contains your capacity to experience wonder, joy, innocence, sensitivity and playfulness.

Why this came up  is I explained that after talking to a woman who I wish to speak to more than anyone in the known world at the moment for twenty minutes the dread and anxiety of What if she finds out what I’m really like took over and it became all too difficult, and it ceased rather quickly.

We had a conversation around who did I become, and it was the little 5-year-old who felt unworthy of being loved due to some decisions about the parenting he thought he had been offered by his maternal parents. Sixty years later, they are probably not true, so we did a process so that my internal parents took over my body.

So how has society discussed the inner child, When we deny and snuff out the voice of the child within we accumulate heavy psychological baggage. This unexplored and unresolved baggage causes us to experience problems such as mental illnesses, physical ailments and relationship dysfunction. Here are some ways:

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1. From my fellow Aussie, Trudy: this is one powerful way my mentor suggested I help heal my five-year-old.

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2. I also love the quote on her home page as being a powerful way to improve: “Time spent amongst trees is never wasted time.” – Katrina Mayer: You Are Loved.

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3. A combination of ‘Its time to grow up education from your parents and the rigidity of the school system, methinks’.

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4. This ode is for the inner feminine child we all have in us, I’m sure there is one for the inner masculine as well: Into My Arms.

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5. Especially between our adult self and our inner child.

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6. That naff saying just let it go has never really worked for me: Changes.

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7. Hard to read, but a profoundly beautiful ethos,

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8. The 20-minute exercise in rewriting the parents of my inner child has had a profound effect on me, Who would believe so much change could occur in such a short time: Absolute Beginners.

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9. The wire cage installation from Burning Man has become a worldwide interpretation of what our inner children seek, and that is a connection with others.

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10. I just liked this image: MotherLove.

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11. A powerful statement from Jung and an image that really displays how much our inner child influences us.

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12. Wise words from one of my top ten philosophers, Thich Nhat Hahn: Peace Be With You.

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13. Diane also states: We’re spiritual beings having a human experience and everything we need is inside. When you connect with that inner guidance, you can hear the whispers of your intuition — your Wise Self — guiding you to your best life. Often it is your inner child.

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14. Carl Jung did quite a bit of work on our inner child, I think so should we: Over The Rainbow.

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15. And for our final lesson, a message from your own inner child, I’m going to skip with mine this week.

Here are 4 of the most powerful ways to perform inner child work:

  1. Speak to your Inner Child.
  2. Look at Pictures of Yourself as a Child.
  3. Recreate What You Loved to do as a Child.
  4. Make an Inner Journey.

For a moment I thought I was doing an all-male playlist again, but the last two songs prevented this. We begin with a newbie for me, Matthew Mole, then the most brilliant of songs by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. Two Bowie numbers follow, and Queen ends our male contribution. The penultimate number is by Shaina Noll, and we finish with a superb version of a classic song by Eva Cassidy: Can Your Inner Child Come Out and Play?

Through inner child work, you can learn to grieve, heal and resolve any sources of trauma you’ve been unconsciously holding on to for years. This can liberate you and allow you to live a life of real adulthood, emotional balance and wellbeing. Doing this has definitely got me closer to Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included because it includes me. Until we meet again, my dear friends.

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Gandalf and Yoda Go Out On a Coffee Date!!!


I went to a men’s workshop on the weekend called Isle of Men with 160 of my brothers who are interested in becoming better men for themselves, their partners, their children their lovers, their parents, their siblings, in fact, everybody in their lives. There are strict confidentiality clauses that mean we cannot mention who is there without their direct permission, so today I am writing about what we looked deeply into, the four male archetypes of Warrior, Lover, Magician and King but specifically The Magician as what I discovered about myself rocked my soul.

Carl Jung understood archetypes as universal, archaic patterns and images that derive from the collective unconscious and are the psychic counterpart of instinct. They have inherited potentials which are actualised when they enter consciousness as images or manifest in behaviour on interaction with the outside world. They are autonomous and hidden forms which are transformed once they enter consciousness and are given particular expression by individuals and their cultures. In Jungian psychology, archetypes are highly developed elements of the collective unconscious. The existence of archetypes can only be inferred indirectly from stories, art, myths, religions, or dreams.

Before we move on, let’s be clear about something. Archetypes aren’t personality types. Jung didn’t think you could classify a person as a specific archetype. A man can’t take a test to tell him that he’s a “Shadow.” Instead, the archetypes are simply patterns of behaviour and thought, or “energies” that can be found in all people in varying degrees.

I am in a program called Warriors of Love so had some understanding of the psyche of the warrior archetype and have been on a journey recently with my lover archetype over the last year so was grateful for the insights I received, but when we got to the magician archetype the skill of the facilitator to use stories, art and myths was so much next level it shook me out of my hubris as to what is possible in one’s creative life.

The Magician archetype is summed up by Robert L. Moore,

Moore is probably most widely known as the senior author, with Douglas Gillette, of a series of five books on the in-depth structure of the male psyche, drawing on the account of the archetypal level of the human psyche developed by C. G. Jung.

  1. King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine is an introductory overview of four key sources of energy at the archetypal level of the human psyche.
  2. The King Within: Accessing the King in the Male Psyche centres on the most important and most difficult source of energy for men to access.
  3. The Warrior Within: Accessing the Knight in the Male Psyche centres on the source of energy that boys and men usually learn how to access relatively early in life, but it takes time and effort to learn how to access the optimally mature form of this source of energy in the human psyche.
  4. The Magician Within: Accessing the Shaman in the Male Psyche centers on another form of energy that boys and men usually learn how to access at a relatively early age, but, once again, it takes time and effort to learn how to access the optimally mature form of this source of energy in the human psyche.
  5. The Lover Within: Accessing the Lover in the Male Psyche centres on a very tricky source of energy in the human psyche.

as “All knowledge that takes special training to acquire is the province of the Magician energy. Whether you are an apprentice training to become a master electrician and unravelling the mysteries of high voltage; or a medical student, grinding away night and day, studying the secrets of the human body and using available technologies to help your patients; or a would-be stockbroker or a student of high finance; or a trainee in one of the psychoanalytic schools, you are in exactly the same position as the apprentice shaman or witch doctor in tribal societies. You are spending large amounts of time, energy, and money in order to be initiated into rarefied realms of secret power. You are undergoing an ordeal testing your capacities to become a master of this power. And, as is true in all initiations, there is no guarantee of success.”

It is in the last words of his description “there is no guarantee of success” that shook my soul so greatly. He weaved his magic on the crowd, reading and changing the content of his presentation as to what he felt would empower the gathered men moment to moment. I had forgotten I used to have this ability too.

So what has been spoken about the magician archetype over the centuries? Here are some of the most powerful things I could find:

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1. What is in the Magician toolbox you are given at the beginning of your training, an ample sprinkling of pixie dust.

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2. Envy and Competition, the two great destroyers of a child’s inner creativity: Jealous Guy.

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3. Definition of righteousness

1: acting in accord with divine or moral law: free from guilt or sin
2a: morally right or justifiable righteous decision
b: arising from an outraged sense of justice or morality righteous indignation
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4. Danielle says to live your life from your Core Desired Feelings, and master them as you do in your magician archetype: Don’t Believe a Word.
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5. During the Magician process, the facilitator created moments of the purest joy for the participants.
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6. Ben Okri OBE FRSL is a Nigerian poet and novelist. Okri is considered one of the foremost African authors in the post-modern and post-colonial traditions and has been compared favourably to authors such as Salman Rushdie and Gabriel García Márquez: Look Away.
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7. After Sunday, I do have to agree with this statement.
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8. I don’t think any of the men arrived there thinking we would take part in a classic mosh pit, we did: Mosh Pit.
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9. A trick in all magicians toolkits, the ability to walk through doors.
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10. Escher was possibly the greatest at this. Maurits Cornelis Escher was a Dutch graphic artist who made mathematically-inspired woodcuts, lithographs, and mezzotints. Despite wide popular interest, Escher was for long somewhat neglected in the art world, even in his native Netherlands. He was 70 before a retrospective exhibition was held. In the twenty-first century, he became more widely appreciated, with exhibitions across the world: Its Magic.
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11. I included this just to remind you of the power of mandalas.
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12. Thank You, mystery facilitator: Touching My Soul.
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13. I definitely had this done for me on Sunday.
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14. Outside the ordinary rules of life, Yes Please: Shout.
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15. And our final lesson from Johny Carson, that we all have the magician in us at the start, some of us just forget it.

There are two main roles that the energy of the Magician flow through—the initiate and the initiator. Or in other words, the mentee and the mentor.

As we just discussed, Magician energy drives us to obtain hidden knowledge. But contrary to the popular adage about professional magicians—that they never reveal their tricks—a man truly animated by the mature Magician archetype is eager to turn around and share what he has learned with others. He desires to elevate the serious and earnest seeker to his level.

This is why the lack of magician energy in modern culture is really at the heart of the issues many men are having today. There is a lack of mature men who have made a rite-of-passage themselves available to initiate other men into the “secret knowledge” of manhood. Dads and granddads, uncles and cousins, used to teach their sons and other young men how to act, dress, and behave like a man. But a lot of men have grown up without such a mentor these days and thus feel lost, directionless, and adrift. Its time we stopped this.

 

Today’s playlist is all masculine. We begin with one of my all-time favourite tunes by Donny Hathaway. Then two of the four rock bands, Thin Lizzy and Big Country. Flosstradamus provides a rap tune next, then some magic from Pilot. The penultimate tune is by Axel Rudi Pell and we finish with Tears for Fears: Gandalf and Yoda Go Out On a Coffee Date.

On Sunday I saw what the possibility of Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included being the major theme can provide. Until next time we meet, my dear friends. If you enjoyed this, don’t forget to sign up to receive an email reminder when each blog is written.

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Someone Asked If I Knew You?


As I said in my last blog I turned 65 last week, on Sunday I attended a memorial service for a friend who will not. He was just 42 and one of the most vibrant people on the planet. He was a DJ, an environmentalist, a teacher and a beautiful man. He was taken by the big C, a condition that does not listen to reason.

In the weeks before his passing rumours spread of him passing and people began to write eulogies. He had not, so I began listening to his MixCloud sets. I was listening to one of these when posts began appearing from his nearest and dearest that he had actually passed. At this moment I received a download from him. It was just four words: Get On With It. You cannot assume you will be here to fulfil your passions and dreams next year, Get on with It.

Today an article from my friends Marc and Angel Chernoff titled 25 Things You Should Never Stop Doing for Yourself came through my news feed, I thought they were relevant:

  1. Never stop stretching and improving yourself.
  2. Never stop listening to your own inner voice.
  3. Never stop walking comfortably in your own shoes.
  4. Never stop working through your fears.
  5. Never stop being a little unrealistic.
  6. Never stop doing what needs to be done.
  7. Never stop embracing your struggles.
  8. Never stop being willing to make mistakes.
  9. Never stop getting back up.
  10. Never stop making the best of it.
  11. Never stop ignoring the naysayers.
  12. Never stop taking small steps forward.
  13. Never stop giving yourself a chance to soar to new heights.
  14. Never stop smiling.
  15. Never stop thinking positive.
  16. Never stop laughing at yourself and your life situations.
  17. Never stop appreciating the life you’re living right now.
  18. Never stop indulging in life’s little daily joys.
  19. Never stop spreading your kindness.
  20. Never stop giving what you can.
  21. Never stop giving your important relationships a fair chance.
  22. Never stop doing little things for your own happiness.
  23. Never stop opening your mind to new perspectives.
  24. Never stop evolving.
  25. Never stop writing your own story, your own way.

My friend did most of these, especially number 21, never stop giving your important relationships a chance. So how does society give friendships a chance, here are a selection of that is said about them:

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  1. Several hundred people attended the memorial for my friend. quite a few travelled from interstate, I think this supports the above statement.

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2. Through a lengthy friendship, all these and more situations arise: Black Coffee.

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3. When the physical sails off, we have the memories in our heart.

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4. As you get older and they pull down the structures of your past, it is the people that you remember who were there with you: That’s What Friends Are For.

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5. I met one of my dearest friends pretending to be a tree at a party in a flat in Carlton in the ’70s when we swayed into each other too vigorously. 

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6. The people who you can sit with next to a river for hours and not a word needs to be spoken, Fuck Yes: Down by the River.

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7. They’re the ones wearing the I’m with them tee shirts.

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8. Ama Ata Aidoonée Christina Ama Aidoo (born 23 March 1942) is a Ghanaian author, poet, playwright and academic. She was the Minister of Education under the Jerry Rawlings administration. In 2000, she established the Mbaasem Foundation to promote and support the work of African women writers because she realised it was important that all people received an education, not just the elite, She has portrayed the role of African women in contemporary society. She has opined that the idea of nationalism has been deployed by recent leaders as a means of keeping people oppressed. She has criticized those literate Africans who profess to love their country but are seduced away by the benefits of the developed world. She believes in a distinctly African identity, which she views from a female perspective: I am Woman.

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9. I think we are best at this as children.

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10. What does the F stand for: It Ain’t What You Do.

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11. There are 51 meanings for the acronym BFF, this could be for two of them: Best Friends Forever or Best Fan Forever.

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12. My friend was so good at this. Written in the 1930s or 1940s, still so relevant today: Humble and Kind.

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13. Until they are not if you have the thought I wonder how they are, time to reach out.

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14. From her Matched Trilogy of teenage novels comes this beautiful quote by author Ally Condie: Tangled Up In You.

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15. And we finish our lesson for today with the eating of buns.

We ended the ceremony with a drumming ceremony in a circle, as it lifted in energy, I could imagine our friend saying fuck this, and jumping into the middle and dancing his heart out. Farewell from the physical world, our dear friend, the eternal will hold you well as will our hearts.

The playlist for today is not really representative of the music our friend loved, but maybe it is as he loved all music. It begins with All Saints. Then drops back a century to Dionne Warwick, a long guitar solo by Neil Young, Helen Reddy and Bananarama. The penultimate track goes country by Tim Mcgraw as does the final number from Aaron Lewis: Someone Asked If I Knew You.

It took me two days to write this, it normally takes two hours. My friend lived Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included. We will miss you, dear friend.

Until we meet again my dear friends, I love you.

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People Think About What They Don’t Want!!


It’s a bit of a celebration today, on Wednesday I reached the old official retirement/pension age of 65 in Australia. Our right-wing government wanted to make it seventy before the backlash became too much when it reached 68. This is also my 450th blog. What did I do on my retirement day, I went to an event called Awakening Attraction, this is the blurb for it:

There is nothing that enlivens relationships more than the potency of ‘chemistry’ – the charge, the tension and the excitement of impassioned desire.

It is this magnetism, this enchantment, this allure that is the elixir of relating and it weaves certain magic through our romantic interactions.

Without it, we may still have great ‘friendships’ or ‘partnerships’ but we will be missing out on the ‘juice’!!

Attraction has often been considered as an elusive ‘Je ne se quo’, but what if attraction was not a mystery but rather something you could understand, cultivate and play within a healthy way to bring out the best in those around you? What if you could ignite the spark of attraction and keep the flame alive in relationships?

During this interactive special evening event for men and women where we will be navigating all things ATTRACTION.

The topic we will be exploring on the night…
– When it comes to intimate relationship what is your ATTRACTION STYLE?
– Understanding the effect you have (or don’t have) on others.
– What do you WANT to attract and what are you actually attracting?
– How you ignite the spark of attraction
– How you keep the flame burning deeper in a long term relationship.

I have done the feeder program for this night called Awakening Women for Men, a transformational experience that alters how you listen to your own inner feminine, your mother, mine has passed, your sisters if you have them, your lovers and your female friends and the sister program is Awakening Men for Woman. The ethos of these programs is

We believe that at our human core our greatest longing is to be seen, felt and heard by those we love.

Awakening Connections is a new paradigm of relating that empowers people to come into deeper wholeness, love and truth.

We know a world exists where humans feel enlivened within themselves which in turn creates an opening for healthy, sexy and inspired relationships.

Relationships with self and others are the most challenging emotional experiences we face, asking us to continually evolve and grow.

We give people the ability to really step into and navigate the challenges we face and turn them into gold.

Awakening Connections celebrates the journey of relationship through embracing both its ecstatic potential as well as the gritty, real and raw nature of the human experience.

It’s time to create extraordinary relationships, are you ready?

So how has society looked at attraction over the years, here are some of my favourite ways!!!

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1. This calls out to my heartspace.

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2. In the real field of attractiveness, you do not have to live by the rules that there are only certain desires that are OK: I Feel Good.

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3. But only with consent, we do not read it right every time.

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4. Are you great at receiving your desires, it is something I am working on after years of listening to the reasons why I couldn’t in my head: Waiting for Love.

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5. Body Butter, not something taught in standard high school sex education classes.

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6. Talking about what is present in the actual moment, not saying what you think they want to hear, now that is expansive: Titanium.

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7. Do you match your desires, I am about a 5 out of 10, always working on becoming stronger at it.

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8. And once you begin to awaken your conscious self, your lifeforce does not allow you to go back: Set Fire To The Rain.

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9. Magnets are built to attract to and stick to what are the right frequencies, listen to your magnetic power.

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10. Fear prevents you from approaching what you desire and what you are attracted to, there is that classic saying have your fear and do it anyway. Over to You: Anyway.

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11. Fuck Yes!!

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12. Awakening occurs at the moment, you can do it millions of time in your life, especially around attraction: Changes.

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13. Red or Blue, which are you attracted too?

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14. Remember in this attraction game that you have unique strengths and skills, may you find the one, or even two or three that honours them: The Way.

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15. And from the most famous of philosophers Ms Unknown comes the final lesson when awakening attraction.

A week or so after doing Awakening Women for Men a dear friend of mine asked me what did I learn about women from the course, it felt like she was checking to see what secrets Alley, Shaney and Jarrod had given away. Here is my answer: I said there was too much, it will take a lifetime to take it all in, but imagine I had never met you and I walked into the room and saw you and went: we must end up as lovers. I ask you out informing you that I broke up with Janice three months ago. I would know when I am placing my projections of being with Janice on our relationship, allowing it to be new and fresh and full of love and curiosity. She smiled and said that is beautiful.

The playlist for today speaks to the awakening of attraction. We begin with the Sex Machine James Brown. then we move forward to this century with Avicii. David Guetta duets with Sia next. Adele and Martina McBride follow. @Pac does the penultimate number, finishing with Ariana Grande.

Honouring your attractions is needed if we are to live from Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included. I sincerely believe that there is at least one awakened soul out there for us. Until next time, my dear friends.

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You May Never Be Good Enough For Everybody!!!


Stage Two of writing about the shadow that comes with investigating possible opportunities in situations where you meet new and interesting women and you are deep in lacking confidence because you are listening to all those stories your identity has been telling you for years and years.

Self-criticism can be debilitating because when our criticism becomes internal, it can be very difficult to shake.

You know that little voice that chimes in when you screw up? The one that tells you you’re no good, or that you made a stupid decision, or that you can’t succeed? That’s the voice of selfcriticism. And you’d be surprised how often that little voice runs the show.

Marisa Peer of MindValley has a great suggestion for dealing with this form of criticism. She encourages you to change that niggling voice of self-doubt into your own personal cheerleader.

The first step is being able to recognize the negative self-talk when it’s in action. The second step? Flipping the commentary to something more positive.

Marisa suggests imagining what a supportive parent or teacher might tell you. Would they tell you that you’re no good and that you’re only going to screw it up? No. They’d tell you that you’re a rock star and that you should keep trying and that you’re smart enough to get this done.

“It’s okay to make mistakes because you learn,” explains Marisa. “It is okay for someone to point out your mistakes because you can get better. What’s not okay is to beat yourself up.”

Unfortunately, I did not do this Saturday at Mojo – The Dance of Connection, I got stuck in my identity and gave myself a good beating.

What do the masters say about self-confidence, lets have a look:

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1. Saturday night I failed Number One.

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2. Forgot some of these essential self-loving things Saturday: Hey You.

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3. Thich Nhat Hanh is one of our wisest.

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4. Goethe learnt this at an early age, earning royal recognition at the age of 25: Who You Are.

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5. Pride can be deemed to be negative or positive, most religions see it as the former and aim towards belief, in their god and yourself.

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6. I am all these things at times: This Is Me.

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7. In the book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable: Transforming the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Dr Brené Brown, vulnerability is defined as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” Brené says that “vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy and creativity.

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8. Fear or Love: Choose: Don’t Choose Out Of Fear.

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9. More about Fear.

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10. Be Okay for it to be Okay to be you: Be Yourself.

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11. Your dreams do not live inside your excuses.

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12. How good are you at resisting the world: Break Free.

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13. Self-Care 101.

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14. Written by the worlds greatest philosopher, Ms Unknown points to the magic of self-belief: Could It Be Magic.

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15. And we finish with a silent meditation.

I am empowered by Brene Browns take on self-confidence. “Being vulnerable doesn’t just require courage and self-confidence. It requires self-compassion. Having self-compassion has profound effects both internally and externally. Even showing compassion to others can’t actually be achieved unless you have compassion for yourself. “When you cannot ask for help without self-judgment, you are never really offering help without judgment,” Brown says. “Because you have attached judgment to asking for help.”

This concept extends beyond helping. Whether it’s related to health, career or relationships, judging something about yourself means that you will always judge that same thing in others. For example, you must be able to accept and receive love before you can truly provide it.

Though 85 per cent of adults say they are capable of giving and receiving love, more than 30 per cent of men and women fear to be alone and tend to lose themselves in relationships. Reading Brene’s research and insights make me ponder where I am at the moment with all of it.

The playlist today contains that song from The Greatest Showman. We begin with Pink Floyd, followed by pop diva Jessie J. Then that song, Next is the Spoken Word from Jim Carrey. A fine rock song from Audioslave follows. The penultimate tune is from Ariana Grande, and we finish with disco diva Donna Summer: You May Never Be Good Enough For Everybody.

I feel that I am in the shadowland of the journey of having Love and Respect For All, Everyone Included be the world paradigm. Until we meet again, my dear friends.

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