What the Fuck is Intimacy, anyway?


I spent the day with the remarkable woman who has come into my life. In new relationships often the sexual side of it is what is most relevant, as the lust factor is high. The question I asked her before I went there last night was would she read me the bible, as she is a woman of faith. She agreed, and it didn’t happen as many other wonderful things did.

What is intimacy, anyway? Here is a shot at four different types:

  • Experiential Intimacy: When people bond during leisure activities. People may “sync up” their actions in teamwork or find themselves acting in unison.
    • Example: A father and son work together to build a model train, developing a rhythm to their teamwork.
  • Emotional Intimacy: When people feel safe sharing their feelings with each other, even uncomfortable ones.
    • Example: A woman confides in her sister about her body image issues. She trusts her sibling to offer comfort rather than using her insecurities against her.
  • Intellectual Intimacy: When people feel comfortable sharing ideas and opinions, even when they disagree.
    • Example: Two friends debate the meaning of life. They enjoy hearing each other’s opinions and don’t feel the need to “win” the argument.
  • Sexual Intimacy: When people engage in sensual or sexual activities. When people use the word “intimacy,” they are often referring to this type.
    • Example: Two lovers engage in foreplay, knowing how each other prefers to be touched.

So can you guess what we did? We did the dishes, set up a piece of furniture, discussed how we were feeling and why was, mainly me resisting being present to it, massaged each other, cleaned the stovetop and went for an hours walk. It was serene and magnificent in its intimacy.

How does the world relate to intimacy, lets walk down that road together:

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1. I met you six years ago. It was definitely worth the wait.

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2. When I reach this plateau, my body tingles all over: Soul Kind of Feeling.

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3. A writer of words, a poetic soul, an emotive expressionist, Ranata Suzuki is a poet and quote writer whose eloquent words form with painful clarity the sad yet beautiful world of the broken heart. An anonymous writer based in Sydney, Australia, Ranata is known only by her avatar of a bird carrying a book.

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4. How does the end of someone’s hair, become erotic. It’s easy in the land of intimacy: What Am I?

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5. I confess I have made those 3am texts.

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6. Especially now in lockdown in Melbourne, Australia we have to wear a mask when we leave the house: Bette Davis Eyes.

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7. When you get into this kind of intimacy sex feels redundant at times.

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8. Be weird with me, baby: Love is a Battlefield.

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9. We did this for part of our walk today.

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10. At times, I caught myself falling into hers when she looked back at me: Soul Man.

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11. And then there is the ultimate love, love of self.

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12.  I am actually feeling the I Love You’ in my heart, Yum: I Love You.

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13. And it takes work to achieve this state, AS Katie Byron says, time to do Te Work.

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14. Snap: Hurt.

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15. I took trust out of the picture, she told me to fuck off until I had got the cost of this in our relationship, lucky for me she has an awesome heart.

So I am on a journey of intimacy, perhaps for the first time truly in my 66-year-old life, it feels magnificent.

Today’s playlist begins with an Australian classic from the Dynamic Hepnotics, followed by Edie Bricknell and the New Bohemians. Two classic female rockers from last century are next, Kim Carnes and Pat Benetar. Sam and Dave then lay some funky R and B on us. We move back into the present with Billy Ellish and complete with the Man in Black, Johny Cash: What the Fuck is Intimacy, Anyway?

So the purpose of my ethos for the world: Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included is to have more intimacy available in the world. Until we meet again my dear friends.

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How Can You Mend A Broken Heart!!!


You may have noticed my past 5 blogs have been about growing friendship with my friend Amy. It moved quickly and then spectacularly into becoming lovers against all the reasons the world tells you that a friendship between two people 28 years apart in age should. Being used to a single life, where you domestic actions didn’t have a lot of repercussions to being in a partnership saw me totally do some things that have unfortunately taken it from you are the greatest lover I have ever had and talk about moving in together to stop treating me like I am your mother in a period just greater than 24 hours.

Did we really love each other, yes we did, but I allowed my actions to move our relationship from our hearts to her head. I sit here writing this close to tears and I have cried about ten times in my 66 years, my parents once sent me to a phycologist to see why I couldn’t during my teenage years, it didn’t resolve anything and I am still a non-crier basically. The only thing that shifted it was the joy I felt in my love for Amy, I would be sitting on a railway station and feel tears of joy welling up, very un Rod Williams like.

My relationship consultant friend who is also a phycologist advised that we should not contact each other for 30 days as to go from the passion of a ten to the lesser feelings of friendship, say a three to a five we had to journey through our grief and sadness at to what we had lost, as moments this sacred are rare in people’s lives. I fight with the urge daily to break this especially when Amy contacted me. I wanted to write platitudes how I would do anything to get back together, but this is the act of 17-year-old first love. I must admit after 12 years it did feel a bit like this for me.

I realise I could write 1,000s of words what this woman means to me, I will journal them later, so what has the world said about relationship breakdowns and broken hearts over the years. Let’s have a look:

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1. Oh, how I wished I could have stopped this occurring.

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2. Oh, how my heart yearns for this: How Can You Mend A Broken Heart.

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3. I love His Holiness quotes, but my heart does not want to agree with this one at all.

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4. Crossed fingers, but it fucking hurts so much at the moment: Don’t Judge Me.

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5. One of the things I did not do was break glass but forgetting to thank her most of the time was just as devastating.

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6. And to me, it is you: My Immortal.

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7. I am feeling this more and more as the pain slides away.

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8. I am not ready for Amy to do that yet, I may not be responsible for my reaction in the emotional state I am in at the present: Run Through The Jungle.

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9. This hurts in the I still love her zone.

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10. I was the storm: Riders On The Storm.

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11. I didn’t really do the second thing or did I, she has gone.

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12. I lost in the first round: Street Fighting Man.

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13. Ken oath.

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14. We talked about our families a lot: We are Family.

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15 And for our final lesson, well said Trent.

I spoke to a friend halfway through writing this for half an hour because I believe she has wisdom in this area. She advised me three things: 1. Take ownership for your part of the breakdown and look for the red flags that were there for it to happen. 2. Make agreements, keep them. If you are going to break them, communicate, communicate, communicate. 3. Take time to heal before you think about going back there, and do this day by day.

I am just doing these things now.

The playlist today is funk and rock and roll, we begin with the title track by The Bee Gees, then Chris Brown. Evanescence sneaks in this century’s rock track, then we go back in time to CCR, The Doors and the Rolling Stones. We complete with a ten minute epic by Chic and Sister Sledge, enjoy, it rocks: How can you mend a Broken Heart!!!

In my heartbreak, I have started a new tribe around my ethos Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included. It is called Thriving People – People who wish to make a difference to Humanity, my intention is a 1,000,000 people take up the challenge, here is the link to join, I would love you too: Thriving People.

Until we meet again my dear friends.

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You Know, It’s Never to Late!!!


Twelve years ago, after an emotionally abusive long term relationship I decided subconsciously I would never put myself through that again and chose the Life of Being single. I started doing personal development stuff and looked at different issues over the years, this one seemed to slip through to the keeper. Then I met a woman at Mojo. The first time we eye gazed for twenty minutes, the second time we screamed at each other for ten.

I didn’t know what to do, as a single man she could have asked me to fuck her on the dance floor and I probably would have said no. So I spoke to my mentor, who unpacked my single man decision. We then went through an exercise imagining her walk through the door and to see how close she could get to me. Not really close at all at first, just a few steps into the room. Many sessions later, it allowed me to be standing next to her with her in my arms. Nothing happened with this woman, because I was ages away from breaking the single man mould.

Two years later and several failed attempts by women, I have the honour to be in a relationship with a woman I had known six years. She is brave, confronting, loving and willing to go the whole nine yards to make it work. At times I am shit scared that it will not work out again and at other times there is so much ecstasy surging through my body I feel that I will implode.

So what has the human race said about love relationships, lets have a look:

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1. Everything, my beauty. Not some of it, the fear, the scared little girl, the raging anger, the hurt, all of it.

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2. What is the name of your street? Mine is Ecstacy Street: Love Street.

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3. Was I in love before that totally unexpected phone call, maybe?

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4. This is the final destination I seek: That’s What Friends Are For.

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5. I cannot put this into actual words, its a feeling.

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6. No words and I am a wordsmith: Your Smile.

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7. And see you and have you grow side by side.

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8. I love it that you love God, Beauty: Love Of My Life.

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9. Sound familiar?

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10. I hand these to you willingly, beauty: Somebody to Love.

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11. Even when my scared little boy identity fucks up and makes your heart ache, I remember your orgasmic smile.

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12. Helen Keller, blind and deaf: Insightfully speaking the truth: You’re Beautiful.

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13. What exactly is need?

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14. Truth 101: I Love You.

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15. And in the final lesson for this blog, I plead guilty as charged.

The title of this blog was meant to contain the word’s, Lost Life Opportunities as well. Why is this relevant? I reached Age Pension age, 66, one week ago. It is never ever too late. I must mention my life ethos of Love and Respect, Everyone Included. But I will finish with a question, what is going on that humanity trains our hearts to not trust they can be totally loved?

The playlist of love songs starts with The Doors, then the soulful Dionne Warwick and friends, also Rene and Angela.. next, Queen by two.  The penultimate song is by James Blunt and we complete with the one-hit wonders from the sixties, The Volumes: You Know, It’s Never to Late!!!

Until we meet again, my dear friends.

Let Go, Let God!!!


I went to Zoom church today, they certainly sing groovier songs than they used to in the days my parents forced me to Sunday school all those years ago. An aside, when I was sixteen I told my mum is she kept making me go I would run away and never come back. She reminded me twenty years later I had said that to her, I had forgotten but it obviously meant a lot and hurt my deeply religious mum.

I personally don’t believe in the God that is presented by the standard Christian church, hell and brimstone etc. etc. but it was interesting viewing, my friend has asked me would I watch it with her as God means a lot to her. The distinctions they used were a lot different from what I expected and I found myself agreeing with quite a bit of the sermon. I am more of a humanist than a Christian, believing in that there are more good people than evil people on the planet and that good, will overcome in the end.

So what have people said about God, even the Gods over Millenium, lets have a look:

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1. Not famous enough for a Wikipedia entry, Michelle makes a simple point.

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2. Satisfaction guaranteed: I Surrender.

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3. From little things big faith grows.

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4. God is not all love and light, stop thinking he is: Yes, I Know.

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5. Interesting quote by an F1 racing world champion.

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6. Remember its his/her process. You are just along for the ride: Waymaker.

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7. We are just walking home together.

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8. Grammar alert: Your Spirit.

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9. How do you live in the space of faith?

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10. And you may never understand it: “Babusisiwe Labo Abemukela Umsebenzi KaNkulunkulu Omusha”

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11. The cute quote of the blog.

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12. The purpose of faith is to lift you up: My Life is in your Hands.

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13. Nobody will open it for you, Nobody…

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14. I love that saying, It sounds like a plan: You Say.

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15. Thank you God for putting Amy in my life.

I thought I would end this blog with a poem by Rilke, it is magnificent:

God speaks to each of us
Rainer Maria Rilke

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,

then walks with us silently out of the night.

These are words we dimly hear:

You, sent out beyond your recall,

go to the limits of your longing.

Embody me.

Flare up like flame

and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.

Just keep going. No feeling is final.

Don’t let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.

You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.

 

From Rilke’s Book of Hours: Love Poems to God, translated by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy.

If you had told me I would include a Hillsong Church song in one of my playlists I may have chortled loudly, but I have changed in the last  month. We begin with Hillsong Worship, then the Gaither Vocal Band. Two fine female singers next in Sinak and Tasha Cobbs Leonard. Then we travel to South Africa for some Zulu Gospel. Kirk Franklin is the penultimate song and we finish with Lauren Daigle: Let Go, Let God.

You will love this playlist, Amy. I feel so much closer to my ethos of Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included since I have been around a person of faith. Until next time we meet, my dear friends.

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Are you present , or in your head?


I recently invited a dear friend over for dinner, the second person besides my family I have had in my home in 6 and a half years. To say  I was excited is an understatement and I was thinking about how I could make the night perfect. That was where I made my blunder, I was in my head about it most of the night and not very present at all. Surprisingly my friend did not say anything directly at the time but let me know later that I had been mostly not present for her the whole time.

I have spent most of my adult life trying to work things out in my head and now have the opportunity to do it from and open up my heart. When she asks me what are you feeling I have to fight the urge to look in my head for the answer and feel into my heart also not to tell a story from my past or speculate on the future, but to be in the present or as Eckhart Tolle tells us, The Power of Now. It is a journey that we have agreed to take together to deepen our friendship.

Friendship, what has the universe said about that over the years, lets have a look:

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1. Christie Brinkley is an American model, actress, and entrepreneur. Brinkley gained worldwide fame with her appearances in the late 1970s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues, ultimately appearing on an unprecedented three consecutive covers starting in 1979. 

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2. The letters IM drop out of your life when everything becomes possible: Signed, Sealed, Delivered.

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3. They exist in that part of your heart that says, we will always be friends.

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4. Do you wait?: A Song for You.

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5. One is the most powerful number.

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6. True friends are cemented together at the heart: That’s What Friends are For.

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7. These are the people who where 5 years apart feels like 5 minutes when you meet.

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8. They light the way and you need to no longer be afraid of the dark: I will Always Love You.

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9. The Bible has some good stuff in it.

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10. I have several of the atter family in my life, I love them: We are Family.

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11. And you must keep proving it day to day if the friendship is to grow.

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12. Disturb them with the question, what are you feeling?: Endless Love.

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13. Like I will honour and love you, just as strong a promise.

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14. My heart shuddered reading this one: Baby Please Don’t Go.

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15. And for our final lesson today, the most profound statement of the blog, Hahaha.

So I am finishing this at 10.50 pm at night because I have spent many hours deepening our friendship over the past two days. It was joyous, confronting and loving and all the things in between. is it worth it, Fuck Yes!!!

The playlist tonight is dedicated to the BLM movement. Firstly Stevie Wonder leads off, following by the little known vocal genius Donny Hathaway. Dionne Warwick and her friends then hit the stage, handing it over to Whitney Houston. Chic and Sister Sledge then occupy the stage for a while, making way for Luther Vandross and Mariah Carey and we finish with a rocking tune by Muddy Waters and the Stones: Are you Present or in Your Head?

How changing is this journey of deep friendship I am taking? I intend that it transform my relationship to what friendship means and that my heart will be truly opened for the first time in my life. We have just begun but I am so more in touch with my world ethos of Love and Respect for all, Everyone Included. Until we meet again, my dear friends.

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P.S. This one is for you, Amy.

Who Really, Really knows you?


I was asked this question by a friend today when I looked I said my sisters Ruth and Jann. Amy then asked me what about your friends, I have 5000 Facebook friends and I would say one of them, my long time friend Clare who helped me through my recent mental health breakdown would be the closest. What is it that stops the human race letting people get close to them? I have an idea, I believe we stop telling each other what I call our Sacred Love Stories at an early age for fear of being hurt. These are the negative and positive stories about ourselves that go like this: If you knew this about me I would have to kill you and I am not boasting, I really went through or did this. I designed a workshop around the chakras using that technology but my if you knew this about me I would have to kill you got in the way of me ever running it.

What does it take to totally trust someone to be authentic and not withhold anything? I am learning how to do this and acknowledge Amy, who is allowing me to go on this journey with her. So what has society said about knowing the real you, lets have a look:

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1. Dale Evans Rogers (born Lucille Wood Smith; October 31, 1912 – February 7, 2001) was an American actress, singer, and songwriter. She was the third wife of singing cowboy Roy Rogers.

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2. I have been being taught this powerfully over the last week: You Really Got Me.

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3. Very relatable.

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4. And that the stories you make up in your head about the people in your life are not true until you get to deeply know them: Say It Right.

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5. Boom!!!

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6. Prayer is such a powerful healing tool: Praying.

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7. Warts and All comes to mind.

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8. And in front of the L-word do not forget to put the Self word: Rainbow.

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9. I think she is.

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10.. The whole kit and caboodle, that’s true love: Who You Are.

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11. I have found out lately I do this most of my waking moments.

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12. Another form of insomnia: You are the Reason.

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13. My new life contract.

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14. From one of civilisation’s great thinkers, This: Love Myself.

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15. And for our final lesson, we cross to Socrates best buddy, Plato.

No list as promised, Amy, just a deep sense of gratitude for your listening for me.

The playlist begins with a 60’s classic from The Kinks. Then we delve into pop diva land for the next four tracks: Nelly Furtado, Kesha twice and Jessie J. Over to C & W for the next track from Callum Scott and we complete with my most played song by Hailee Steinfeld: Who Really Really Knows You.

Another recent question has come to mind writing this, what would you say if you could say one thing to the world leaders, of course, Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included.

Until we meet again, my dear friends.

try16

 

 

People are Prettiest When They Talk About Something They Really Love!!!


Do you do what you love to fulfil your basics in life? We can look at some of the answers given on Quora as to why this occurred for many people. It goes back to a lack of support in our developing years. I particularly like this answer:

“For me – when I was young I always wanted to go into the Law  (I blame the reruns of Perry Mason on after school).  When I was 17 I started at a new high school, the careers counsellor didn’t know me from Adam and when she asked what I wanted to do at Uni, I said Law – she asked if was getting straight A’s, I wasn’t.  Her response?  Forget about Law then, it’s a pipe dream.   I still insisted that for my work experience I’d like to try something Law related.  This request was ignored and I was assigned to stamp books in a Uni library for a week whilst other students she knew got to hang out in law firms for that week,

As a teenager with particularly low self-esteem, this advice to ‘forget it’ from an authority figure was unfortunately taken quite seriously and so I did forget about Law.

Obviously, in hindsight it was exceedingly poor advice, there was a multitude of other options open to me without straight A’s.  I can’t place all blame with the careers counsellor, I could have figured it out on my own, but I wonder how things may have worked out differently had she been a bit more helpful with someone she was meeting for the first time.

Here are Ten Simple Truths from Marc Chernoff that are sometimes forgotten that would help us make progress towards doing what we love.

  1. Education and Intelligence accomplish nothing without action.
  2. Happiness and Success are two different things.
  3. Everyone runs their own business.
  4. Having too many choices interferes with decision making.
  5. All people possess dimensions of success and dimensions of failure.
  6. Every mistake you make is progress.
  7. People can be great at doing things they don’t like to do.
  8. The problems we have with others are typically more about us.
  9. Emotional decisions are rarely good decisions.
  10. You will never feel 100% ready when an opportunity arises.

So, what does the world say about truths in life, Here are a few of my favourites:

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1. A paradox it may seem, but will get a lot done in life.

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2. Sojourner Truth, born Isabella [BelleBaumfree;  was an African-American abolitionist and women’s rights activist. In 2014, Truth was included in Smithsonian magazine’s list of the “100 Most Significant Americans of All Time.”: Standing In The LoveLight.

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3. Our Shadows walk alongside our light.

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4. What would Cinderella say about this?: Who Is She?

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5. Not everything we read or hear is true, use your discretion to find out which is true or untrue.

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6. Boom!!!: Live Your Life.

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7. Unfortunately, we have been electing these people as our political leaders in far too many countries lately.

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8. They are your keepers.: Faithful.

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9. What is your favourite carnival ride, probably says a lot about your relationship to life.

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10. One foot in front of another gets the job done: From Little Things, Big Things Grow.

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11. K.I.S.S.

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12. Sonnenberg’s blog — FrankSonnenbergOnline — has attracted millions of readers on the Internet. It was named among the “Best 21st Century Leadership Blogs”; among the “Top 100 Socially-Shared Leadership Blogs”; and one of the “Best Inspirational Blogs On the Planet.” Frank’s newest book, Soul Food: Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life, was released November 2018: Honesty.

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13. Choice the first path, you will feel a lot more relaxed in your life.

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14. I rate George one of the worlds great philosophers, highly underrated: Truth.

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15. And for our final lesson, we go to Alan Watts for a universal truth.

Just remember those significant moments of opportunity for personal growth and development will come and go throughout your lifetime. If you are looking to make positive changes in your life you will need to embrace these moments of opportunity even though you will never feel 100% ready for them.

The playlist begins with my favourite song from my friend Jo Jo Smith. Over to the Cinderella soundtrack next then back to the present with T.I. and Rhianna. New to me is Sarah Reeves. The Waifs do a Kev Carmody cover next. The penultimate song is by Billy Joel and we finish with some spoken word from George Carlin: People are Prettiest When They Talk About Something They Really Love!!!

What do you really love? For me it is spreading Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included across the planet. Until we meet again, my dear friends.

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Be Curious, Not Judgemental.


Someone asked me recently, “What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you.” It’s like they are asking do other peoples opinions decide what you do in life. Truth be told, nobody has the right to judge you. People may have heard your stories, but they can’t feel what you are going through, they aren’t living YOUR life. So forget what they say about you. Focus on how you feel about yourself, and do what you know in your heart is right.

My friend Marc Chernoff’s list gifts us ten things to do for ourselves even if others judge you for it:

1. Take care of yourself.

2. Do what you know is right, for YOU.

3. Follow your own unique path.

4. Lock yourself away from the world and work on your goals.

5. Adjust your goals and dreams as life changes.

6. Forgive those who have wronged you.

7. Show everyone your love and kindness.

8. Stand up for others, even if it’s the unpopular thing to do.

9. Fight through your failures.

10. Keep your head held high and keep on smiling.

As Jack London once said, “The proper function of man is to live, not to exist”. so why do we take notice of how people judge us, and what has society said about judgement over time:

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1. How would the planet operate if we all did this?

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2. Remember when you are pointing a finger there are three pointing back at you: Only God Can Judge Me.

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3. Judgements are normally instant before you know anything about a person or situation. Show some kindness and ask what is happening for them.

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4. Everybody’s life changes each chapter. Learn the full story before you make your decision.: It’s my Life.

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5. Anne Inez McCaffrey was an American-born writer who emigrated to Ireland and was best known for the Dragonriders of Pern science fiction series. Early in McCaffrey’s 46-year career as a writer, she became the first woman to win a Hugo Award for fiction and the first to win a Nebula Award.

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6. To each, their own: Judge Not.

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7. As you are about to do it, remember how it felt last time it happened to you.

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8. Each of us has our own deadly sins, mine are chocolate and icecream: Sinnerman.

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9. Brene has something to say about it.

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10. Very difficult to do I have found: Hallelujah.

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11. There are 7 billion unique individuality types on the planet, remember that.

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12. His Holiness rocks: One Love.

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13. Mother Teresa was known for getting in people’s faces, she does not hold back here.

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14. Two Bob Marley songs and this fantastic anti-judgement quote: Creep.

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15. And for the final lesson, what would it take you to get to live your life from this premise?

Every new day is a chance to change your life. Work on making life all that you want it to be. Work hard for what you believe, and keep your dreams big and your worries small. You never need to carry more than you can hold; just take it one day at a time. And while you’re out there making decisions instead of excuses, learning new things, and getting closer and closer to your dreams, know that there are others out there, like me, who admire your efforts and are striving for greatness too.

There are some giants of the music scene on today’s playlist. Two songs by the same artist but both not done by him, one is a cover. Tupac leads off, Then to the world of rock and roll with Bon Jovi. Bob Marley’s first-ever single follows. Then, two giants, Nina Simone and Leonard Cohen, both recorded live. The penultimate number is a cover of Bob by Playing for Change and we complete with Radiohead: Be Curious, Not Judgemental.

I have found as I become less judgemental I come closer and closer to living my life ethos – Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included. Until we meet again my dear friends.

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It Can Struggle, But the Bond Cannot Be Broken!!!


Today, I am writing about how I often feel when I am in the presence of love directed towards me. What do you think the first line of the above quote I chose for the title of this blog was? It was about a version of love never failing the test. Yes, it was Unconditional Love, and through the experience of my identity, I know I have struggled with this over the years. Researching this I came across a great article on the matter: called Soulmates and Unconditional Love in a journal called PyschCentral by Darlene Lancer, here are the guts of it:

Are you searching for a soulmate or unconditional love? Your quest can set you on an impossible journey to find an ideal partner. The problem is twofold: People and relationships can never achieve perfection. Often unconditional and conditional love are confused.

Usually, we yearn for unconditional love because we didn’t receive it in childhood and fail to give it to ourselves. Of all relationships, parental love, particularly maternal love, is the most enduring form of unconditional love. (In prior generations, paternal love was thought of as conditional.) But in fact, most parents withdraw their love when they’re overstressed or when their children misbehave. To a child, even timeouts can feel like emotional abandonment. Thus, rightly or wrongly, most parents at times only love their children conditionally.

Is Unconditional Love Possible?

Unlike romantic love, unconditional love does not seek pleasure or gratification. Unconditional love is more a state of receptivity and allowing, which arises from our own “basic goodness,” says Trungpa Rimpoche. It’s the total acceptance of someone — powerful energy emanating from the heart.

Love that is unconditional transcends time, place, behaviour, and worldly concerns. We don’t decide who we love, and sometimes don’t know why. The motives and reasons of the heart are unfathomable, writes Carson McCullers:

The most outlandish people can be the stimulus for love. . . The preacher may love a fallen woman. The beloved may be treacherous, greasy-headed, and given to evil habits. Yes, and the lover may see this as clearly as anyone else — but that does not affect the evolution of his love one whit. ~ The Ballad of the Sad Café (2005), p. 26

McCullers explains that most of us prefer to love than be loved:

. . . the value and quality of any love is determined solely by the lover himself. It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many. ~ ibid

Ideally, the giving and receiving of unconditional love is a unitary experience. Couples experience this most frequently when falling in love. It also happens when someone fearlessly opens up to us in an intimate setting. It’s a being-to-being recognition of that which is unconditional in each of us, our humanity, as if to lovingly say, “Namaste,” meaning: “The God (or divine consciousness) within me salutes the God within you.” When we delight in another’s being-ness, boundaries may dissolve in what feels like a spiritual experience. This allows energy to flow into places of resistance that surround our heart and can be deeply healing. It can happen during moments of vulnerability during therapy.

Yet, inevitably, these occurrences don’t last, and we return to our ordinary ego state — our conditioned self. We all have our preferences, idiosyncrasies, and particular tastes and needs, which have been conditioned by our upbringing, religion, society, and experiences. We also have limits about what we will and won’t accept in a relationship. When we love conditionally, it’s because we approve of our partner’s beliefs, needs, desires, and lifestyle. They match up with ours and give us comfort, companionship, and pleasure.

We’re fortunate to meet someone we can love conditionally and, at times, unconditionally. The combination of both forms of love in one relationship makes our attraction intense. It’s the closest we come to finding a soulmate.

How has humanity related to unconditional love over the decades, here are some ways they have taken a cut at it:

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1. Rev. Melony McGant aka Miss Mellie Rainbow is a storyteller, thought-leader, humanist, poet, & compassionate communications professional with more than 30 years experience in helping people find love. How my Essence must be flowing I feel for love of another to be present.

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2. As said in this quote it is a daily journey towards it: We Need Love.

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3. There are no Google entries for Akashwani, there should be just because of this quote.

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4. Oops, they got it wrong: Skin.

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5. The King Dick Gregory is talking about is Martin Luther King Jnr.

During the turbulent 1960s, Gregory became a pioneer in stand-up comedy for his “no-holds-barred” sets, in which he mocked bigotry and racism. He performed primarily to black audiences at segregated clubs until 1961, when he became the first black comedian to successfully cross over to white audiences, appearing on television and putting out comedy record albums.

Gregory was at the forefront of political activism in the 1960s, when he protested the Vietnam War and racial injustice. He was arrested multiple times and went on many hunger strikes. He later became a speaker and author, primarily promoting spirituality.

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6. You must have the strength in all situations, even the shitty ones: The Greatest Love of All.

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7. The scientific explanation of why love is not based on looks.

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8. Dedicated, Caring, Disciplined, Wise, Precise, Power-full, Committed and Cheeky are words often used to describe Tanya Curtis. She is the Founder and Managing Director of Fabic Behaviour Specialist Centre and Co-Founder and Managing Director of Sunlight Ink Publishing. Tanya is also an award-winning Business Woman, Behaviour Specialist, Teacher, Course Writer, Presenter, Author, DVD Presenter, App Creator, Product Developer, Mentor and Student Supervisor: Who You Are.

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9. Bliss in Love equals acceptance of both the Shadow and the Light.

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10. The times I have fallen in love have always been in spite of all the stories I tell myself why it won’t work out: Sing for My Life.

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11. I think the two words at the bottom, self-acceptance sum it up pretty damn well!!

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12. I can hardly see without my glasses at times, but I do see and agree with this: Superficial Love.

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13. If the future Buddha says it, I’m in.

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14. All or None: Love ‘Em All

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15. And for the final lesson, a four-word mantra you must never forget in the game of love.

Opening the Heart

Unconditional love isn’t a high ideal we need to achieve. Actually, striving after it removes us from the experience. It’s always present as the unconditioned part of us — our “pure, primordial presence,” writes Buddhist psychologist John Welwood. He believes that we can glimpse it through mindfulness meditation. By observing our breath, we become more present and can appreciate our basic goodness. In mediation and in therapy, we find those places we choose to hide from ourselves and others.

Relationships can provide a path to opening the frozen places in our hearts. Love can melt a closed heart. However, maintaining that openness demands courage. The struggle for intimacy challenges us to continually reveal ourselves. Just when we’re tempted to judge, attack, or withdraw, we open to our hurt and that of our partner. In doing so, we discover what we’re hiding, and triggers from our past yield opportunities to heal and embrace more of ourselves.

The playlist today is chock full of pop divas singing about love. The only male starts off, John Legend doing one of his soulful numbers, then six divas: We begin with Rihanna, go back a few decades to Whitney Houston. Then hang around this century with Jessie J., Sia, Ruth B. and finish with K. Michelle: It Can Struggle but the Bond Cannot Be Broken.

if you wish to read my blog on a regular basis remember to sign up on the list with your email address. Love is a great subject for Love and Respect for All Everybody Included to manifest through. Until next time we meet, my dear friends.

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A Relationship Is Like A House!!


Shit, I forgot to do my Thursday blog, sorry if you rely on it for your morning coffee break but I been having such a great time lately it slipped my mind. This morning I am feeling joyful after attending my friend Cat’s awesome graduation for the process she created called the Cor Method. Here’s the link, travel to Melbourne for eight weeks, it’s worth it: Link To A New Life.

I have been to both graduations and often find myself moved to tears by the amount of heart the participants reveal to their families and friends. From singing to dancing to spoken word each is creative in their own way, all speaking from the heart.

So what has the people of planet Earth said about opening one’s heart to the people in your life, let’s have a look:

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1. Many of the participants spoke of the negative stuff their mind was saying to them, but then their hearts took over, superb!!

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2. I prefer the former, hate has never resolved anything for me: Love and Hate.

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3. Gangaji currently writes and tours as a teacher. She holds that the truth of who you are is already free and at peace, which can be realized simply by ending one’s search.

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4. The course definitely allows more space for this: Love Myself.

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5. Maya loves the Cor Process too.

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6. Lots of famous people know the power that is contained in the heart: So Much Magnificence.

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7. Having revealed their hearts to the people they love, the participants need not worry about the former.

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8. You could palpably feel the hearts cracking open last night: Hallelujah.

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9. When you reveal all of what is in your heart some of this may happen.

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10. The eyes have it every time, for me: Bette Davis Eyes.

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11. How old is your Inner Child and does She/He still enjoy play?

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12. You know where it is hanging out, Go there: Yogi B Truth Hurtz.

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13. And how could I leave out the Persian poets?

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14. Why Cat is such a heroine in having created this bundle of transformation work: Always Look On The Bright Side of Life.

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15. The final lesson for today, Is a life without mistakes a real life?

I must acknowledge how I got to know Cat was through her delightful partner Ryan McRobb, through many connections. They give me hope as to what a joyful relationship could be like.

Today’s playlist has some long live tracks, I prefer live tracks to those from the studio, it’s more real. Using 7 artists in each blog and having done over 450 blogs you discover new artists all the time, we begin with one of them, Michael Kiwanuka, then one of my standard songs about self-love by Hailee Steinfeld. Then two great live tracks by Deva and Miten and Jeff Buckley. For a song about eyes, there is only one choice, Kim Carnes. The heart has to have some Bollywood so Vassan is next, and for some silliness, we complete with Eric Idle: A Relationship is Like A House.

In my heart lies the expression: Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included. Come for holidays in Melbourne and do the next course, we have some ace B and B’s here. Till we meet again, my dear friends.

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