Stage Two of writing about the shadow that comes with investigating possible opportunities in situations where you meet new and interesting women and you are deep in lacking confidence because you are listening to all those stories your identity has been telling you for years and years.
Self-criticism can be debilitating because when our criticism becomes internal, it can be very difficult to shake.
You know that little voice that chimes in when you screw up? The one that tells you you’re no good, or that you made a stupid decision, or that you can’t succeed? That’s the voice of self–criticism. And you’d be surprised how often that little voice runs the show.
Marisa Peer of MindValley has a great suggestion for dealing with this form of criticism. She encourages you to change that niggling voice of self-doubt into your own personal cheerleader.
The first step is being able to recognize the negative self-talk when it’s in action. The second step? Flipping the commentary to something more positive.
Marisa suggests imagining what a supportive parent or teacher might tell you. Would they tell you that you’re no good and that you’re only going to screw it up? No. They’d tell you that you’re a rock star and that you should keep trying and that you’re smart enough to get this done.
“It’s okay to make mistakes because you learn,” explains Marisa. “It is okay for someone to point out your mistakes because you can get better. What’s not okay is to beat yourself up.”
Unfortunately, I did not do this Saturday at Mojo – The Dance of Connection, I got stuck in my identity and gave myself a good beating.
What do the masters say about self-confidence, lets have a look:
1. Saturday night I failed Number One.
2. Forgot some of these essential self-loving things Saturday: Hey You.
3. Thich Nhat Hanh is one of our wisest.
4. Goethe learnt this at an early age, earning royal recognition at the age of 25: Who You Are.
5. Pride can be deemed to be negative or positive, most religions see it as the former and aim towards belief, in their god and yourself.
6. I am all these things at times: This Is Me.
7. In the book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable: Transforming the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Dr Brené Brown, vulnerability is defined as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” Brené says that “vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy and creativity.
8. Fear or Love: Choose: Don’t Choose Out Of Fear.
9. More about Fear.
10. Be Okay for it to be Okay to be you: Be Yourself.
11. Your dreams do not live inside your excuses.
12. How good are you at resisting the world: Break Free.
13. Self-Care 101.
14. Written by the worlds greatest philosopher, Ms Unknown points to the magic of self-belief: Could It Be Magic.
15. And we finish with a silent meditation.
I am empowered by Brene Browns take on self-confidence. “Being vulnerable doesn’t just require courage and self-confidence. It requires self-compassion. Having self-compassion has profound effects both internally and externally. Even showing compassion to others can’t actually be achieved unless you have compassion for yourself. “When you cannot ask for help without self-judgment, you are never really offering help without judgment,” Brown says. “Because you have attached judgment to asking for help.”
This concept extends beyond helping. Whether it’s related to health, career or relationships, judging something about yourself means that you will always judge that same thing in others. For example, you must be able to accept and receive love before you can truly provide it.
Though 85 per cent of adults say they are capable of giving and receiving love, more than 30 per cent of men and women fear to be alone and tend to lose themselves in relationships. Reading Brene’s research and insights make me ponder where I am at the moment with all of it.
The playlist today contains that song from The Greatest Showman. We begin with Pink Floyd, followed by pop diva Jessie J. Then that song, Next is the Spoken Word from Jim Carrey. A fine rock song from Audioslave follows. The penultimate tune is from Ariana Grande, and we finish with disco diva Donna Summer: You May Never Be Good Enough For Everybody.
I feel that I am in the shadowland of the journey of having Love and Respect For All, Everyone Included be the world paradigm. Until we meet again, my dear friends.
You are honoring Brene Brown’s invitation to ‘be vulnerable’ in these posts on exploring the shadow. I admire your willingness to do so and to share with us. My dream analyst once told me that I will most likely always feel a lack of self-confidence on certain days and on certain occasions, so she gave me a mantra for those days. As I am is good enough.