You’ve got a Friend!!!


I’ve got a new friend, actually she is an old friend who become a lover for a period of time. We had been friends for ages, a little bit distant at times but had become closer in the past year that had grown onto a three month affair and then it ended. I tried to hold on and then one day realised if I did not agree that it was over it all would be, the friendship, everything. You do not find close friendships that easily, or I haven’t found this easy to do, so I returned to the status of being close friends.

Why do you keep friends who you classify as close around? Well, here are the reasons I kept this friend around: She is faithful to me, she believes in me when I don’t believe in myself, she doesn’t buy my bullshit, she asks me what am I feeling and listens and expects the same of me, she enjoys my company and I enjoy hers, and tells me what she will not put up with.

So how has society related to friendships over the centuries, I’m sure that it goes back to the start of history, let’s have a look:

1. And they really want to.

2. My friend loyally stuck in there until I came to my senses: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCQGnVrTsAM

3. My friend is a woman of faith, this is for you.

4. You can tell them about your nightmares: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIS-RuoZxCI&list=PLahlcCtGIBvjZidRBlzpqyLN2mntGJPl9&index=12

5. I fit into this category, slightly cracked, Thank you.

6. Not sure if I agree with all of this, I think friends allow you to cry as much as you need to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cizgXSegrko

7. John Hay was either a U.S. secretary of State or an Australian academic, neither was well known for writing quotes.

8. We live on opposite sides of town, yet never apart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNHBT7wjqVI

9. There are times you need to do this for your friends, when they forget what friends are for.

10. Dual weirdo alert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL41kS5OFxQ

11. Marcel is one of my favourite philosophers.

12. And can sit in silence as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bk7RVw3I8eg

13. I find it is on the way back after having had a great time with your friend.

14. I know this, I nearly lost it all: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlPhMPnQ58k&list=PLE6nCASEBsgD6HSVUjaKKa0a0h0XK3aGR

15. Thanks for doing this, and restoring my feelings.

To you my friends, I honour your insight, wisdom and friendship.

People have told me to use my words but I like my Friends Marc and Angel Chernoff’s lists, here is a list of questions your close friends would ask you:

  1. What do you need to spend less time doing?
  2. What makes you feel comfortable?
  3. What’s something simple that makes you smile?
  4. What would you regret not fully doing ,being, or having in your life?
  5. When you’re ninety years old, what will matter to you most?
  6. The best part of waking up, is?
  7. What’s one thing you love about your life?
  8. What would the child you once were think of the adult you have become?
  9. What’s something you look forward to almost every day?
  10. What’s something that makes you feel instantly better?

The playlist today cover most of the decades from the 70’s. We begin with the Friends Theme song, then back to the 70’s with James Taylor. Dianna Krall coves a Julie London classic next, then Dionne Warwick and her friends do that song. Then two old songs, Bob Marley first then a cover by Disturbed. We finish with Maroon 5: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtOCwYP1pbvpd6apSJTsShV

My aim is to have all the people of the earth be friends. I have created a tribe, Thriving People – People who want to make a difference to Humanity, 1,000,000 taking on the ethos Love and Respect for All – Everyone Included, you can join us here: https://bit.ly/2ERbjc9. Until we meet again my dear friends.

When the Love between you has ground to a Halt!!!


I only really care if you read this.

Is love really love when it goes from Deep Love to Its over in one day? One would have to doubt that there ever was a strong foundation to use the term deep love to explain the exquisite feelings two people had for each other in the previous months. I have found in the last two weeks that watching mindless TV does not replace very well the profound conversations that are had in the throes of love.

When you are cut off from all forms of contact after receiving 27 messages in a day without the right to reply to most of them because the person knew you were in an online retreat it begs the question as to what was behind their actions, As this person stills lives in my heart I have written to her in the hope she will open contact again but as the days roll on the chance of this seems to becoming less and less. I will need to take time to have the love for her not controlling my heart.

So what have people said about breakups over time, lets walk down that path.

1. Did I do this? I didn’t think so.

2. All in one day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8AYmSdaQZI&list=PL3-sRm8xAzY-v_i64uZfriFSPYHnQd8Vl

3. This was another option!!!

4. Sometimes your head tells you strange things: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm9Zf1WYQ_A&list=PL3-sRm8xAzY-v_i64uZfriFSPYHnQd8Vl&in

5. Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde (16 October 1854 – 30 November 1900) was an Irish poet and playwright. After writing in different forms throughout the 1880s, the early 1890s saw him become one of the most popular playwrights in London. He is best remembered for his epigrams and plays, his novel The Picture of Dorian Gray, and the circumstances of his criminal conviction for gross indecency for consensual homosexual acts, imprisonment, and early death at age 46.

6. I hope it is not to long, I was sure that this person was what I deserved: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrGS_6_HglU&list=PL3-sRm8xAzY-v_i64uZfriFSPYHnQd8Vl&index=4

7. I think this is starting to kick in, it makes me incredibly sad doe what we had.

8. This made my heart shudder as I read it and tears come to my eyes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EE-TQyOP9g0&list=PL3-sRm8xAzY-v_i64uZfriFSPYHnQd8Vl&index=8

9. I’m not sure if this is true about her.

10. Spending time with people who value me has helped with this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2e9_jfzFr0g&list=PL3-sRm8xAzY-v_i64uZfriFSPYHnQd8Vl&index=9

11. His Holiness is wise, I haven’t quite got this yet.

12. Self Love 101: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEhy-RXkNo0

13. The cruel one doesn’t care.

14. The pain is indescribable: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuNIsY6JdUw&list=PLR8zgCuNIFtG0XSj73-VNzpCzAk1bp1n2&index=5

15. I learnt that she had three personalities, I loved the first, liked the second and hated the cruel one. Probably my mistake in not accepting all her traits.

In a breakup both people has some responsibility for it occurring as love is not that easy to give up, it is the prime emotion. I still want this love, but am realising that it is not likely to occur in the near future. I would wait for it, but all my friends and support team say to feel the pain and move on. There is a question in my mind that makes this hard, how often do you find your true love in a life time, I’m thinking only once,

The playlist today is pop diva’s singing sad songs of break up: We begin with Nea, new to me. Billy Ellish is next, then Zoe Wees, followed by Hanne Leland. Then three of the biggies, Sia, Rhianna and Taylor Swift: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrsGGr8g9EcKSL5ntMSTyhhU

I read a list that has helped me on my path to recovered, 10 simple things:

  1. Happiness cannot be travelled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed.’
  2. Be a student of Life every day.
  3. Experience is the best teacher.
  4. Your choices, your actions, your life.
  5. No one is “too busy”. It’s all about priorities.
  6. Be patient and tough. Someday this pain will be useful to you.
  7. It’s usually better to be kind than right.
  8. You can become a magnet for good things by wishing everyone well.
  9. Only you are in charge of your attitude.’
  10. Satisfaction is not always the fulfillment of what you want.

These attitudes remind me of the ethos of my new tribe: Thriving People – People who wish to make a difference to humanity. It is based on my ethos of Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included, I’m looking for 1,000,000 people to take it on and transform the world, you can join here: https://bit.ly/2ERbjc9 , until we meet again my dear friends.

I’m Alone, I’m Alone, I’m Alone!!!


I can’t wait to read your fucking blog, here it is my beloved.

This is from a text I received yesterday. The same person who told me to fuck off and live my fantasy life and that’s she hates me, see my previous blog To Fuck Off, or Not. This was one of over 20 texts that started with my heart is breaking ending in the classic Fuck You posts. To me the above statement is a classic cry for help. I have worked out that my friend has three unique identities: The first being the Wise, Insightful, Compassionate, Sensual one. The second being the doubting Thomas one, this won’t work out which still contains some of the former, and the third, the cruel, sadistic Fuck You one who will say anything to hurt you, including you should kill yourself.

Am I being sadistic staying in communication with her, or Am I still in love with her. When I look into my heart, it is the latter. I don’t know how to fall out of love in a week and a bit, which she seems to have been able to achieve. So now we are both alone per say still talking to each other via text. So what does the world say about being alone, lets walk down that street:

1. I am slowly learning this, too soon, although we are in COVID stage 4 Lock-down in Melbourne, Australia.

2. You can offer this, but when they have made the decision to end it, its over, but in ours there seems to be residue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzSgxvvTWvA

3. For me that I prefer a partner.

4. I sense I will eventually do this again:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQl3WQQoQ0&list=PLgP_WFDJWjxRBAnIeUupZ-XHAspFBJZ0i

5. Thats what my sister is saying to me about my current situation.

6. The joy of the previous months with my friend have ruined this for me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSDgHBxUbVQ&list=PLgP_WFDJWjxRBAnIeUupZ-XHAspFBJZ0i&index=3

7. Not Yet, for me.

8. That is what crushes your heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2U0Ivkn2Ds&list=

9. Peace Out.

10. I so miss this, I am getting teary typing these words: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGorjBVag0I

11. It goes back to my early childhood, being cared for and abandoned by my mum in the first three months of my life.

12. I have been told by many friends I should be doung this, not talking to her. My heart does not want to hear it:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBumgq5yVrA&list=PLgP_WFDJWjxRBAnIeUupZ-XHAspFBJZ0i

13. Nothing, not even that person.

14. I do this so I don’t have to feel so sad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhcc1KQlCS4&list=PLgP_WFDJWjxRBAnIeUupZ-XHAspFBJZ0i&index=9

15. This is for my friend, a woman of faith.

So when life gets stressful and you feel like you’re losing your emotional balance, use one or more of these simple tricks to help you relax your mind and recenter yourself in an instant:

1.Wash your hands and face, annd brush your teeth.

2. Change your socks

3. Call a close friend.

4. Stretch.

5. Go outdoors

6. Take a light exercise break.

7. Dress to feel your best.

8.Listen to your favourite music.

9. Take a few deep,, controlled breaths.

10. Clear your stuffed nose.

11. Cook a good meal.

12. Walk away from energy vampires.

13. Complete an important piece of unfinished business.

14. Work in something that is meaningful for you.

15. Assist someone in need.

16. Think about your latest or (greatest success).

17. Act like today is already an awesome day

18. Notice what’s right.

Take a moment to acknowledge how far you’ve come.

Today’s playlist is dripping with Pop divas: We begin with Beyonce followed by Adele, Ed Sheeran and Christine Aguilera. We travel back in time for Leonard Cohen classic and end with Passenger and Andra: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrsGy-xwtyPoagX95P3KDfEs

Still haven’t worked out the links issue, My mission is not to be alone, it is to have 1,000,000 state they will live from the ethos of Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included, you can join our tribe here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/1126100227764949. Until we meet again, my dear friends.

To Fuck Off, Or Not!!!


What do you do when you have been told to fuck off and live in your fantasy world and the person hates you. You feel broken for a period of time because you remember when life was not that way. You search for what went wrong and hope it will return to the latter. Then you begin to realize that it cannot as much as you wish for it to. So you go about rebuilding your broken heart and hope that the. person who said it will leave your heart space in a reasonable amount of time.

I’m still working on that because I felt that this was the person who would live there for the rest of my life. So I admit it my heart is broken at the moment. What have people said about having their hearts broken over the years, lets have a look:

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  1. She was not the wrong person to me.

2. We spent glorious days together, and then it went awry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZInWGC5L2T8&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa

3. Let’s hope so.
4. Lawrence of Arabia was a wise man:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Rch6WvPJE&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa&index=2

5. No I didn’t I spent two hours on a station where I could have been arrested for breaking the COVID lock-down laws.

6. Yes, that is how long I put her in my heart for: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQHsXMglC9A&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa&index=3

7. And don’t forget the tears as well.

8. I am beginning to realize this as time kicks in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBumgq5yVrA&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa&index=4

9. It was the best two months of my 66 year life.

10. No words can explain the feeling in my heart and soul: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fvj6PE3gN4o&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa&index=6

11. My glasses used to fog over when I was wearing my COVID mask, perhaps they were warning me.

12. and the answer is a fucking lot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXzC2eiHBG8&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa&index=6

13. There is always that missing part.

14. Thats what it feels like now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2e9_jfzFr0g&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa&index=7

15. Her denial that I ever Loved her hurts me a lot, I will not let her take it away from me.

As we mature in relationships, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones. Remember, life is kind of like a party. You invite a lot of people , some leave early, some laugh with you, and a few stay to help clean up the mess. The ones who are your real friends in life. They are the. one who. matter the most. This is what they do for each other:

  1. They face problems together.
  2. They give what they can because they truly care.
  3. They make time for each other.
  4. They offer each other freedom
  5. They communicate effectively.
  6. They accept each other as is.
  7. They are genuine, and expect genuineness.
  8. They compromise.
  9. They support each other’s growth changes.
  10. They believe in each other.
  11. They maintain realistic expectations of their relationship.
  12. They honour each other in small ways on a regular basis.
  13. They listen, and they hear every word.
  14. They keep their promises.
  15. They stick around.

So, as I read through this list, I know and wonder where I did not fulfill all the expectations of a mature relationship. I am still deeply in love with the woman this is written about and have no idea how to get her out of my heart.

Today’s playlist contains some classic songs about broken hearts. We go back a long way to the Bee Gees, and follow up with the soulful voice of Toni Braxton.They the vocal power of Adele. We return to a rock ballad next with Passenger. Forward to the present and Billy Ellish. A newbie for me, Tate Mcrae and we finish with SIA: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa

WordPress have changed the system I use to write my blog so the links are different, I will read up on it and hopefully it will change back next week. Being in Love is part of relationships as is love and Respect for All, Everyone Included. Until we meet again, my dear friends.

Love Hurts!!!


Did you know love is not enough? I found that out in a sudden, dramatic way yesterday. I was travelling in our lockdown city of Melbourne to visit my supposed partner outside the 5-kilometre allowable zone when I rang her because she had written to me that she felt a bit down about her zoom visit to her psychologist. I rang her to find out what could I do for her, two hours later I was heading home and it was all over.

It was because I had agreed with her and allowed her space the night before and it seems I should not have listened to her and gone against her will and taken care of her. We had discussed this for an hour after I was halfway there and she told me she felt the most empowered she had ever felt. It seems that I am not enough to meet her needs. A day later I realise that I cannot be different from where I am at the moment. I can grow but cannot miraculously be different from where I am at the moment, so yes, Love hurts.

What does society say about the pain of unrequited love, lets have a look:

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1. I hope it finds this place soon.

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2. I forgot: Stronger.

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3. I found out the embrace of love is not enough.

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4. How will I get her out of my heart, it seems impossible at the moment, only time will tell: Love Hurts.

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5. Being in the same city doesn’t seem far enough, I cannot stop thinking of her.

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6. I’m crying typing this: When I Look at You.

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7. I wish you the best life.

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8. No words needed: Disappear.

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9. It’s storming in my heart.

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10. I mistakenly thought this was not us: Almost in Love.

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11. It seems this was not us.

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12. And not just of a sexual nature: Dreaming of You.

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13. I fear this.

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14. Thank you karma, you hurt: Instant Karma.

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15. and our final lesson comes from the Twitter personality Bauvard – A work of art should stand on its own, divorced from the personality of the creator. That is the only way the creator can be a work of art in himself.  

So what am I learning? Embrace that individual inside you who has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. And above all, be true to you – if you cannot put your heart into it, take yourself out of it. Starting today…

1. Get your priorities right.

2. Take full responsibilities for your goals.

3. Know your worth.

4. Choose the right perspective.

5. Don’t let your old problems punish your dreams

6. Choose the things that truly matter.

7. Love You.

8. Accept your strengths and Weaknesses.

9. Stand up for You.

10. Learn from others, and move on when you must.

11. Be honest in your relationships.

12. get comfortable with being UNcomfortable.

13. Be who you were born to be.

14. Never give up on You.

The playlist today is a bit maudlin, we begin with Kayne West, go back to the 1970s to hear that song by Nazareth. The four pop divas: Miley Cyrus, Beyonce, Olivia O’Brien and Selena. We finish off with John Lennon: Love Hurts!!!

This will not stop me from spreading the ethos of Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included. I have extended it to a million people in my new tribe: Thriving People.

Join if you wish. Until we meet again, my dear friends.

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How Can You Mend A Broken Heart!!!


You may have noticed my past 5 blogs have been about growing friendship with my friend Amy. It moved quickly and then spectacularly into becoming lovers against all the reasons the world tells you that a friendship between two people 28 years apart in age should. Being used to a single life, where you domestic actions didn’t have a lot of repercussions to being in a partnership saw me totally do some things that have unfortunately taken it from you are the greatest lover I have ever had and talk about moving in together to stop treating me like I am your mother in a period just greater than 24 hours.

Did we really love each other, yes we did, but I allowed my actions to move our relationship from our hearts to her head. I sit here writing this close to tears and I have cried about ten times in my 66 years, my parents once sent me to a phycologist to see why I couldn’t during my teenage years, it didn’t resolve anything and I am still a non-crier basically. The only thing that shifted it was the joy I felt in my love for Amy, I would be sitting on a railway station and feel tears of joy welling up, very un Rod Williams like.

My relationship consultant friend who is also a phycologist advised that we should not contact each other for 30 days as to go from the passion of a ten to the lesser feelings of friendship, say a three to a five we had to journey through our grief and sadness at to what we had lost, as moments this sacred are rare in people’s lives. I fight with the urge daily to break this especially when Amy contacted me. I wanted to write platitudes how I would do anything to get back together, but this is the act of 17-year-old first love. I must admit after 12 years it did feel a bit like this for me.

I realise I could write 1,000s of words what this woman means to me, I will journal them later, so what has the world said about relationship breakdowns and broken hearts over the years. Let’s have a look:

relbreak1

1. Oh, how I wished I could have stopped this occurring.

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2. Oh, how my heart yearns for this: How Can You Mend A Broken Heart.

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3. I love His Holiness quotes, but my heart does not want to agree with this one at all.

relbreak4

4. Crossed fingers, but it fucking hurts so much at the moment: Don’t Judge Me.

relbreak5

5. One of the things I did not do was break glass but forgetting to thank her most of the time was just as devastating.

relbreak6

6. And to me, it is you: My Immortal.

relbreak7

7. I am feeling this more and more as the pain slides away.

relbreak8

8. I am not ready for Amy to do that yet, I may not be responsible for my reaction in the emotional state I am in at the present: Run Through The Jungle.

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9. This hurts in the I still love her zone.

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10. I was the storm: Riders On The Storm.

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11. I didn’t really do the second thing or did I, she has gone.

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12. I lost in the first round: Street Fighting Man.

relbreak14

13. Ken oath.

relbreak15

14. We talked about our families a lot: We are Family.

relbreak16

15 And for our final lesson, well said Trent.

I spoke to a friend halfway through writing this for half an hour because I believe she has wisdom in this area. She advised me three things: 1. Take ownership for your part of the breakdown and look for the red flags that were there for it to happen. 2. Make agreements, keep them. If you are going to break them, communicate, communicate, communicate. 3. Take time to heal before you think about going back there, and do this day by day.

I am just doing these things now.

The playlist today is funk and rock and roll, we begin with the title track by The Bee Gees, then Chris Brown. Evanescence sneaks in this century’s rock track, then we go back in time to CCR, The Doors and the Rolling Stones. We complete with a ten minute epic by Chic and Sister Sledge, enjoy, it rocks: How can you mend a Broken Heart!!!

In my heartbreak, I have started a new tribe around my ethos Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included. It is called Thriving People – People who wish to make a difference to Humanity, my intention is a 1,000,000 people take up the challenge, here is the link to join, I would love you too: Thriving People.

Until we meet again my dear friends.

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You Know, It’s Never to Late!!!


Twelve years ago, after an emotionally abusive long term relationship I decided subconsciously I would never put myself through that again and chose the Life of Being single. I started doing personal development stuff and looked at different issues over the years, this one seemed to slip through to the keeper. Then I met a woman at Mojo. The first time we eye gazed for twenty minutes, the second time we screamed at each other for ten.

I didn’t know what to do, as a single man she could have asked me to fuck her on the dance floor and I probably would have said no. So I spoke to my mentor, who unpacked my single man decision. We then went through an exercise imagining her walk through the door and to see how close she could get to me. Not really close at all at first, just a few steps into the room. Many sessions later, it allowed me to be standing next to her with her in my arms. Nothing happened with this woman, because I was ages away from breaking the single man mould.

Two years later and several failed attempts by women, I have the honour to be in a relationship with a woman I had known six years. She is brave, confronting, loving and willing to go the whole nine yards to make it work. At times I am shit scared that it will not work out again and at other times there is so much ecstasy surging through my body I feel that I will implode.

So what has the human race said about love relationships, lets have a look:

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1. Everything, my beauty. Not some of it, the fear, the scared little girl, the raging anger, the hurt, all of it.

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2. What is the name of your street? Mine is Ecstacy Street: Love Street.

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3. Was I in love before that totally unexpected phone call, maybe?

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4. This is the final destination I seek: That’s What Friends Are For.

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5. I cannot put this into actual words, its a feeling.

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6. No words and I am a wordsmith: Your Smile.

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7. And see you and have you grow side by side.

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8. I love it that you love God, Beauty: Love Of My Life.

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9. Sound familiar?

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10. I hand these to you willingly, beauty: Somebody to Love.

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11. Even when my scared little boy identity fucks up and makes your heart ache, I remember your orgasmic smile.

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12. Helen Keller, blind and deaf: Insightfully speaking the truth: You’re Beautiful.

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13. What exactly is need?

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14. Truth 101: I Love You.

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15. And in the final lesson for this blog, I plead guilty as charged.

The title of this blog was meant to contain the word’s, Lost Life Opportunities as well. Why is this relevant? I reached Age Pension age, 66, one week ago. It is never ever too late. I must mention my life ethos of Love and Respect, Everyone Included. But I will finish with a question, what is going on that humanity trains our hearts to not trust they can be totally loved?

The playlist of love songs starts with The Doors, then the soulful Dionne Warwick and friends, also Rene and Angela.. next, Queen by two.  The penultimate song is by James Blunt and we complete with the one-hit wonders from the sixties, The Volumes: You Know, It’s Never to Late!!!

Until we meet again, my dear friends.

Is it for Life?


The joy of a new relationship!!! At the tender age of 65 one has entered my life. This one is special, sacred, even. Based on the premises of interpersonal therapy, it is about discovering your deeply held feelings, not the shallow on top immediate throwaway lines our identity serves up to protect us from really looking at what is going on for one.

I am naff at being with my anger with others, especially when I am angry with my new partner, I throw up frustration and sadness as my defences, seemingly unwilling to walk the depths of my anger, which makes her angrier with my seeming ineptness to journey in that particular area. We speak for hours at a time each day and go from deep love to telling each other to fuck off and never to speak to each other again. It is a mighty journey and warms my heart to the depth of my soul.

So why are I and so many people on the planet afraid of expressing their anger, which I am discovering more and more is healthy for one? What has the human race said about expressing anger over the years, here are a few of my favourite things:

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1. The simplicity of saying I feel angry and sitting with it and not making it go away instantly is a skill I am getting better at day by day.

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2. His holiness, a man who is depicted as never getting angry, has these wise words on the subject: His Holiness on Anger.

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3. And that patience is willing to stand in the anger and resolve what is causing it.

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4. Pushed down, this is what anger can cause in your body: Lose Yourself.

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5. Anger is where all the things hangout.

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6. Interpersonal Therapy is not easy but practised well, it is transformational: Dark Horse.

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7. As necessary as eating breakfast.

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8. And withholding and not growing in each moment, each interaction is not: Rolling In The Deep.

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9. Mine surfaces as pain and a headache across the front of my head.

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10. Amy is very skilled at this: Man Down.

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11. This is one of my faults in being with anger, I am cruel to myself a lot.

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12. And one way of doing this that. is very powerful is to sit inside the anger: Not Afraid.

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13. The power of working through feelings so there is growth from an interaction is extraordinary.

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14. And from the founder of Buddhism, comes this pearl: I’m Ready.

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15. And for our final lesson, we return to the Buddha again with a different but similar message.

Is it worth facing my anger to grow into the space that I feel is available in this relationship? I have never been more certain of something in my life. Will there be pain, yes. Will, there be joy at the breakthroughs, yes, and will there be suppressed anger rising to the surface, fuck yes.

The playlist begins with His Holiness, followed by Eminem. Three pop divas follow: Katie Perry, Adele and Rhianna. Back to Eminem and we finish the set with Sam Smith: Is it for Life?

We discussed what our passions were yesterday. What clearly came to the surface was that I am never going to fulfil my dreams of having the ethos: Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included whilst I am suppressing my anger in the world. Until we met again my dear friends.

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Are you present , or in your head?


I recently invited a dear friend over for dinner, the second person besides my family I have had in my home in 6 and a half years. To say  I was excited is an understatement and I was thinking about how I could make the night perfect. That was where I made my blunder, I was in my head about it most of the night and not very present at all. Surprisingly my friend did not say anything directly at the time but let me know later that I had been mostly not present for her the whole time.

I have spent most of my adult life trying to work things out in my head and now have the opportunity to do it from and open up my heart. When she asks me what are you feeling I have to fight the urge to look in my head for the answer and feel into my heart also not to tell a story from my past or speculate on the future, but to be in the present or as Eckhart Tolle tells us, The Power of Now. It is a journey that we have agreed to take together to deepen our friendship.

Friendship, what has the universe said about that over the years, lets have a look:

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1. Christie Brinkley is an American model, actress, and entrepreneur. Brinkley gained worldwide fame with her appearances in the late 1970s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issues, ultimately appearing on an unprecedented three consecutive covers starting in 1979. 

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2. The letters IM drop out of your life when everything becomes possible: Signed, Sealed, Delivered.

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3. They exist in that part of your heart that says, we will always be friends.

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4. Do you wait?: A Song for You.

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5. One is the most powerful number.

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6. True friends are cemented together at the heart: That’s What Friends are For.

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7. These are the people who where 5 years apart feels like 5 minutes when you meet.

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8. They light the way and you need to no longer be afraid of the dark: I will Always Love You.

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9. The Bible has some good stuff in it.

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10. I have several of the atter family in my life, I love them: We are Family.

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11. And you must keep proving it day to day if the friendship is to grow.

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12. Disturb them with the question, what are you feeling?: Endless Love.

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13. Like I will honour and love you, just as strong a promise.

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14. My heart shuddered reading this one: Baby Please Don’t Go.

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15. And for our final lesson today, the most profound statement of the blog, Hahaha.

So I am finishing this at 10.50 pm at night because I have spent many hours deepening our friendship over the past two days. It was joyous, confronting and loving and all the things in between. is it worth it, Fuck Yes!!!

The playlist tonight is dedicated to the BLM movement. Firstly Stevie Wonder leads off, following by the little known vocal genius Donny Hathaway. Dionne Warwick and her friends then hit the stage, handing it over to Whitney Houston. Chic and Sister Sledge then occupy the stage for a while, making way for Luther Vandross and Mariah Carey and we finish with a rocking tune by Muddy Waters and the Stones: Are you Present or in Your Head?

How changing is this journey of deep friendship I am taking? I intend that it transform my relationship to what friendship means and that my heart will be truly opened for the first time in my life. We have just begun but I am so more in touch with my world ethos of Love and Respect for all, Everyone Included. Until we meet again, my dear friends.

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P.S. This one is for you, Amy.

Who Really, Really knows you?


I was asked this question by a friend today when I looked I said my sisters Ruth and Jann. Amy then asked me what about your friends, I have 5000 Facebook friends and I would say one of them, my long time friend Clare who helped me through my recent mental health breakdown would be the closest. What is it that stops the human race letting people get close to them? I have an idea, I believe we stop telling each other what I call our Sacred Love Stories at an early age for fear of being hurt. These are the negative and positive stories about ourselves that go like this: If you knew this about me I would have to kill you and I am not boasting, I really went through or did this. I designed a workshop around the chakras using that technology but my if you knew this about me I would have to kill you got in the way of me ever running it.

What does it take to totally trust someone to be authentic and not withhold anything? I am learning how to do this and acknowledge Amy, who is allowing me to go on this journey with her. So what has society said about knowing the real you, lets have a look:

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1. Dale Evans Rogers (born Lucille Wood Smith; October 31, 1912 – February 7, 2001) was an American actress, singer, and songwriter. She was the third wife of singing cowboy Roy Rogers.

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2. I have been being taught this powerfully over the last week: You Really Got Me.

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3. Very relatable.

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4. And that the stories you make up in your head about the people in your life are not true until you get to deeply know them: Say It Right.

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5. Boom!!!

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6. Prayer is such a powerful healing tool: Praying.

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7. Warts and All comes to mind.

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8. And in front of the L-word do not forget to put the Self word: Rainbow.

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9. I think she is.

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10.. The whole kit and caboodle, that’s true love: Who You Are.

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11. I have found out lately I do this most of my waking moments.

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12. Another form of insomnia: You are the Reason.

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13. My new life contract.

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14. From one of civilisation’s great thinkers, This: Love Myself.

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15. And for our final lesson, we cross to Socrates best buddy, Plato.

No list as promised, Amy, just a deep sense of gratitude for your listening for me.

The playlist begins with a 60’s classic from The Kinks. Then we delve into pop diva land for the next four tracks: Nelly Furtado, Kesha twice and Jessie J. Over to C & W for the next track from Callum Scott and we complete with my most played song by Hailee Steinfeld: Who Really Really Knows You.

Another recent question has come to mind writing this, what would you say if you could say one thing to the world leaders, of course, Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included.

Until we meet again, my dear friends.

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