What did you decide?


I did an amazing process called the individuation cycle today which was about what beliefs I have created throughout my life and how I have compensated for them. It is from the work of William Whitecloud’s course Create Your Destiny. I saw that due to abandonment by my mother during the first months of my life and my father not being a communicative man during my childhood and suffering hurt due to this I decided that I was unworthy, I definitely don’t belong and that I can’t trust myself, others, or the world became my core beliefs. My strategy to resolve this was to become one of the worlds natural gentlemen, never say a bad word about anybody or do a bad deed against people. I have also spent my life searching for an authority or mentor to fix my brokenness.

I wondered what society had written about making decisions like this so I had a look:

1. I would chose I am unworthy for my strongest belief.

2. In knowing these beliefs it allows you freedom: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKaXY4IdZ40

3. Those beliefs place me in struggle town a lot, to get to anything is possible takes a journey through them.

4. Wise words from the Buddha: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26EP0ght2kI

5. What you resists persist , especially in your major beliefs.

6. My beliefs have taken me down both some rough and some beautiful paths:: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-vZlrBYLSU

7. A bold statement from a woman who had to walk through many difficult beliefs.

8. Our beliefs create our world, if we deny them in all cases we could never reach here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVGINIsLnqU

9. This is listening to your creative side, not your victim.

10. Gandhi knew about his beliefs with a statement like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuXNumBwDOM

11. Recognising those beliefs that hold you back allow for no limits.

12. Upgrading is getting to know what beliefs hold you back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vpc3lFR0AwY

13. If you don’t know them and walk through them its hard to know your limits.

14. And from probably the most famous POTUS comes the fact that beliefs will not do it on its own, action must accompany them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qo8gX1Evay8

15. I agree with this, my nice guy permeated out of me when I am not in touch with my disempowering beliefs.

Until we discover this in our lives we will go through some tough times especially. in relationships. These relationship truths may be a bit difficult to accept at times, but in the end , they will help you weed out the wrong relationships, make room for the right ones, and nurture the people who are most important to you. Here are 15 steps you may go through:

  1. Some relationships will be blessings, others will serve as lessons.
  2. When times are tough, some people will leave you.
  3. Life is full of fake people.
  4. People can easily be insincere with their words.
  5. The less you associate with some people the m ore your life will improve.
  6. Harsh words can hurt a person more than physical play.
  7. A mistake is an accident. Cheating and lying are not mistakes.
  8. Excessive jealousy doesn’t tell someone how much you love them.
  9. When people get nasty with you, it’s usually best to walk away.
  10. People will treat you the way you let them treat you.
  11. One of the most difficult tasks in life is removing someone from your heart.
  12. Resentment hurts you, not them.
  13. Silence and a half smile can hide a lot of pain from the world.
  14. True love comes when manipulation stops.
  15. Even the best relationships don’t last forever.

Today’s playlist contains four of the biggest pop diva’s on the planet. We begin with Mariah Carey who is followed by Pink. Some country from Rascal Flatts is next.we go back in time to Devo. Taylor Swift and Christine Aguilera are separated by Jakatta and Seal: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrv64NSLNWFCCWN6KvgbACzZ

I hope my ethos for the world: Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included is not a strategy to compensate for my beliefs I mentioned previously. My new tribe/movement of 1,000,000 signing up for this ethos can be joined via this bitly link: https://bit.ly/2ERbjc9. Until we meet again my dear friends.

What I don’t Know!!!


I have just spent three hours texting on the phone to my ex-partner, and it ended up in the usual Fuck Off. But during that I committed to writing a blog about what I didn’t know, a relative hard task because its about what I don’t know. Areas like how insecure I feel at times and how life confuses me. It seems the previous ones I wrote judging her personality based on my own defensiveness rather than any knowledge. I do not hold this to be totally true but apologise for causing her hurt in writing about her if it caused these feelings.

What do I feel insecure about? Many things: Insecure that I will fail in my new businesses, Insecure that I never feel my deepest emotions, Insecure that I will never respond to a woman in a way she feels worshiped, Insecure that I will always feel unlovable all my life and insecure that I will feel that if I let people get close to me they will reject me.

I am confused by how to meet a lovers needs, I am confused by fitting in, I am confused by feeling all the feels as my anger may get out of control, I am confused by what to do to be a good elder for my community, I am confused at the way the world is governed, it feels so wrong, I am confused by women’s intentions and I am confused by what it takes to find a woman who will love me for who I am.

So what has society said about insecurity and confusion, let’s take a walk down memory lane:

1. I’m not sure if I have as yet.

2. I have all three of these: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLmYZSu3NCc&list=PL6IfNZf-6l0gKdY4foPph_HTEm3nwrx8x&index=2

3. How many make your list?

4. They were for a while: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THeLVhU53ow&list=PLxXNIlld_SoIPdy-IW_b4ksQWqsfFO7e2&index=22

5. Boom!!!

6. I’m learning this big time, and the things about me that don’t work as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM&list=PLxXNIlld_SoIPdy-IW_b4ksQWqsfFO7e2&index=28

7. This is why finding your perfect partner is so hard, because we all have these.

8. I haven’t as yet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXXQLa-5n5w&list=PLxXNIlld_SoIPdy-IW_b4ksQWqsfFO7e2&index=31

9. Not an easy thing to do.

10. Intuition is from innocence, Insecurity from your darkest places: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocDlOD1Hw9k&list=PLxXNIlld_SoIPdy-IW_b4ksQWqsfFO7e2&index=27&bpctr=1600577394

11. Hit the pause button and turn it onto play.

12. When this happens in your life it is a grand declaration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZLPSw8U8&list=PLxXNIlld_SoIPdy-IW_b4ksQWqsfFO7e2&index=26

13. Quite a broad recipe of circumstances of which insecurity is but one.

14. Not this takes something to meet on an equal plain: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYa1eI1hpDE&list=PLxXNIlld_SoIPdy-IW_b4ksQWqsfFO7e2&index=30

15. I plead guilty to this.

I wish to add some words by Jeanette LeBlanc, they relate to the writing of this:

Write the truth of yourself. As you know it. Right Now. In this exact moment and only this moment. Make your words sing with the hope of you , with the want of you, with the very blood and bones and guts of you Select the lines that speak your heart. Your sex. Your sacred. Spill yourself into this paragraph as if lives depend on it. Because your lives – every last one – do.

Today’s playlist is all pop diva’s except for the opening number. Gnash starts us off followed by Jess Glynne. Three of the biggies follow Christine Aguilera, Beyonce and Pink. Cobie Caillat is the penultimate diva and we finish with Taylor Swift: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrsm9HO0oD7BenIjEVeZoRGT

When the world is willing to recognise its insecurities and confusion we will be able to recognise that Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included will have a chance. My new tribe: Thriving People – People who wish to make a difference to humanity has this as its ethos, if you would like to join here is the link: https://bit.ly/2ERbjc9. Until we meet again my dear friends.

You’ve got a Friend!!!


I’ve got a new friend, actually she is an old friend who become a lover for a period of time. We had been friends for ages, a little bit distant at times but had become closer in the past year that had grown onto a three month affair and then it ended. I tried to hold on and then one day realised if I did not agree that it was over it all would be, the friendship, everything. You do not find close friendships that easily, or I haven’t found this easy to do, so I returned to the status of being close friends.

Why do you keep friends who you classify as close around? Well, here are the reasons I kept this friend around: She is faithful to me, she believes in me when I don’t believe in myself, she doesn’t buy my bullshit, she asks me what am I feeling and listens and expects the same of me, she enjoys my company and I enjoy hers, and tells me what she will not put up with.

So how has society related to friendships over the centuries, I’m sure that it goes back to the start of history, let’s have a look:

1. And they really want to.

2. My friend loyally stuck in there until I came to my senses: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCQGnVrTsAM

3. My friend is a woman of faith, this is for you.

4. You can tell them about your nightmares: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIS-RuoZxCI&list=PLahlcCtGIBvjZidRBlzpqyLN2mntGJPl9&index=12

5. I fit into this category, slightly cracked, Thank you.

6. Not sure if I agree with all of this, I think friends allow you to cry as much as you need to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cizgXSegrko

7. John Hay was either a U.S. secretary of State or an Australian academic, neither was well known for writing quotes.

8. We live on opposite sides of town, yet never apart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNHBT7wjqVI

9. There are times you need to do this for your friends, when they forget what friends are for.

10. Dual weirdo alert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL41kS5OFxQ

11. Marcel is one of my favourite philosophers.

12. And can sit in silence as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bk7RVw3I8eg

13. I find it is on the way back after having had a great time with your friend.

14. I know this, I nearly lost it all: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlPhMPnQ58k&list=PLE6nCASEBsgD6HSVUjaKKa0a0h0XK3aGR

15. Thanks for doing this, and restoring my feelings.

To you my friends, I honour your insight, wisdom and friendship.

People have told me to use my words but I like my Friends Marc and Angel Chernoff’s lists, here is a list of questions your close friends would ask you:

  1. What do you need to spend less time doing?
  2. What makes you feel comfortable?
  3. What’s something simple that makes you smile?
  4. What would you regret not fully doing ,being, or having in your life?
  5. When you’re ninety years old, what will matter to you most?
  6. The best part of waking up, is?
  7. What’s one thing you love about your life?
  8. What would the child you once were think of the adult you have become?
  9. What’s something you look forward to almost every day?
  10. What’s something that makes you feel instantly better?

The playlist today cover most of the decades from the 70’s. We begin with the Friends Theme song, then back to the 70’s with James Taylor. Dianna Krall coves a Julie London classic next, then Dionne Warwick and her friends do that song. Then two old songs, Bob Marley first then a cover by Disturbed. We finish with Maroon 5: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtOCwYP1pbvpd6apSJTsShV

My aim is to have all the people of the earth be friends. I have created a tribe, Thriving People – People who want to make a difference to Humanity, 1,000,000 taking on the ethos Love and Respect for All – Everyone Included, you can join us here: https://bit.ly/2ERbjc9. Until we meet again my dear friends.

I’m Alone, I’m Alone, I’m Alone!!!


I can’t wait to read your fucking blog, here it is my beloved.

This is from a text I received yesterday. The same person who told me to fuck off and live my fantasy life and that’s she hates me, see my previous blog To Fuck Off, or Not. This was one of over 20 texts that started with my heart is breaking ending in the classic Fuck You posts. To me the above statement is a classic cry for help. I have worked out that my friend has three unique identities: The first being the Wise, Insightful, Compassionate, Sensual one. The second being the doubting Thomas one, this won’t work out which still contains some of the former, and the third, the cruel, sadistic Fuck You one who will say anything to hurt you, including you should kill yourself.

Am I being sadistic staying in communication with her, or Am I still in love with her. When I look into my heart, it is the latter. I don’t know how to fall out of love in a week and a bit, which she seems to have been able to achieve. So now we are both alone per say still talking to each other via text. So what does the world say about being alone, lets walk down that street:

1. I am slowly learning this, too soon, although we are in COVID stage 4 Lock-down in Melbourne, Australia.

2. You can offer this, but when they have made the decision to end it, its over, but in ours there seems to be residue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzSgxvvTWvA

3. For me that I prefer a partner.

4. I sense I will eventually do this again:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQl3WQQoQ0&list=PLgP_WFDJWjxRBAnIeUupZ-XHAspFBJZ0i

5. Thats what my sister is saying to me about my current situation.

6. The joy of the previous months with my friend have ruined this for me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSDgHBxUbVQ&list=PLgP_WFDJWjxRBAnIeUupZ-XHAspFBJZ0i&index=3

7. Not Yet, for me.

8. That is what crushes your heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2U0Ivkn2Ds&list=

9. Peace Out.

10. I so miss this, I am getting teary typing these words: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGorjBVag0I

11. It goes back to my early childhood, being cared for and abandoned by my mum in the first three months of my life.

12. I have been told by many friends I should be doung this, not talking to her. My heart does not want to hear it:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBumgq5yVrA&list=PLgP_WFDJWjxRBAnIeUupZ-XHAspFBJZ0i

13. Nothing, not even that person.

14. I do this so I don’t have to feel so sad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhcc1KQlCS4&list=PLgP_WFDJWjxRBAnIeUupZ-XHAspFBJZ0i&index=9

15. This is for my friend, a woman of faith.

So when life gets stressful and you feel like you’re losing your emotional balance, use one or more of these simple tricks to help you relax your mind and recenter yourself in an instant:

1.Wash your hands and face, annd brush your teeth.

2. Change your socks

3. Call a close friend.

4. Stretch.

5. Go outdoors

6. Take a light exercise break.

7. Dress to feel your best.

8.Listen to your favourite music.

9. Take a few deep,, controlled breaths.

10. Clear your stuffed nose.

11. Cook a good meal.

12. Walk away from energy vampires.

13. Complete an important piece of unfinished business.

14. Work in something that is meaningful for you.

15. Assist someone in need.

16. Think about your latest or (greatest success).

17. Act like today is already an awesome day

18. Notice what’s right.

Take a moment to acknowledge how far you’ve come.

Today’s playlist is dripping with Pop divas: We begin with Beyonce followed by Adele, Ed Sheeran and Christine Aguilera. We travel back in time for Leonard Cohen classic and end with Passenger and Andra: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrsGy-xwtyPoagX95P3KDfEs

Still haven’t worked out the links issue, My mission is not to be alone, it is to have 1,000,000 state they will live from the ethos of Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included, you can join our tribe here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/1126100227764949. Until we meet again, my dear friends.

To Fuck Off, Or Not!!!


What do you do when you have been told to fuck off and live in your fantasy world and the person hates you. You feel broken for a period of time because you remember when life was not that way. You search for what went wrong and hope it will return to the latter. Then you begin to realize that it cannot as much as you wish for it to. So you go about rebuilding your broken heart and hope that the. person who said it will leave your heart space in a reasonable amount of time.

I’m still working on that because I felt that this was the person who would live there for the rest of my life. So I admit it my heart is broken at the moment. What have people said about having their hearts broken over the years, lets have a look:

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  1. She was not the wrong person to me.

2. We spent glorious days together, and then it went awry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZInWGC5L2T8&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa

3. Let’s hope so.
4. Lawrence of Arabia was a wise man:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Rch6WvPJE&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa&index=2

5. No I didn’t I spent two hours on a station where I could have been arrested for breaking the COVID lock-down laws.

6. Yes, that is how long I put her in my heart for: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQHsXMglC9A&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa&index=3

7. And don’t forget the tears as well.

8. I am beginning to realize this as time kicks in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBumgq5yVrA&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa&index=4

9. It was the best two months of my 66 year life.

10. No words can explain the feeling in my heart and soul: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fvj6PE3gN4o&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa&index=6

11. My glasses used to fog over when I was wearing my COVID mask, perhaps they were warning me.

12. and the answer is a fucking lot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXzC2eiHBG8&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa&index=6

13. There is always that missing part.

14. Thats what it feels like now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2e9_jfzFr0g&list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa&index=7

15. Her denial that I ever Loved her hurts me a lot, I will not let her take it away from me.

As we mature in relationships, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones. Remember, life is kind of like a party. You invite a lot of people , some leave early, some laugh with you, and a few stay to help clean up the mess. The ones who are your real friends in life. They are the. one who. matter the most. This is what they do for each other:

  1. They face problems together.
  2. They give what they can because they truly care.
  3. They make time for each other.
  4. They offer each other freedom
  5. They communicate effectively.
  6. They accept each other as is.
  7. They are genuine, and expect genuineness.
  8. They compromise.
  9. They support each other’s growth changes.
  10. They believe in each other.
  11. They maintain realistic expectations of their relationship.
  12. They honour each other in small ways on a regular basis.
  13. They listen, and they hear every word.
  14. They keep their promises.
  15. They stick around.

So, as I read through this list, I know and wonder where I did not fulfill all the expectations of a mature relationship. I am still deeply in love with the woman this is written about and have no idea how to get her out of my heart.

Today’s playlist contains some classic songs about broken hearts. We go back a long way to the Bee Gees, and follow up with the soulful voice of Toni Braxton.They the vocal power of Adele. We return to a rock ballad next with Passenger. Forward to the present and Billy Ellish. A newbie for me, Tate Mcrae and we finish with SIA: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJlQ3F9bKYrtoQ_FvfKkG7omrzyX-Yusa

WordPress have changed the system I use to write my blog so the links are different, I will read up on it and hopefully it will change back next week. Being in Love is part of relationships as is love and Respect for All, Everyone Included. Until we meet again, my dear friends.

Love Hurts!!!


Did you know love is not enough? I found that out in a sudden, dramatic way yesterday. I was travelling in our lockdown city of Melbourne to visit my supposed partner outside the 5-kilometre allowable zone when I rang her because she had written to me that she felt a bit down about her zoom visit to her psychologist. I rang her to find out what could I do for her, two hours later I was heading home and it was all over.

It was because I had agreed with her and allowed her space the night before and it seems I should not have listened to her and gone against her will and taken care of her. We had discussed this for an hour after I was halfway there and she told me she felt the most empowered she had ever felt. It seems that I am not enough to meet her needs. A day later I realise that I cannot be different from where I am at the moment. I can grow but cannot miraculously be different from where I am at the moment, so yes, Love hurts.

What does society say about the pain of unrequited love, lets have a look:

unrl1

1. I hope it finds this place soon.

unrl2

2. I forgot: Stronger.

unrl3

3. I found out the embrace of love is not enough.

unrl4

4. How will I get her out of my heart, it seems impossible at the moment, only time will tell: Love Hurts.

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5. Being in the same city doesn’t seem far enough, I cannot stop thinking of her.

unrl6

6. I’m crying typing this: When I Look at You.

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7. I wish you the best life.

unrl8

8. No words needed: Disappear.

unrl9

9. It’s storming in my heart.

unrl10

10. I mistakenly thought this was not us: Almost in Love.

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11. It seems this was not us.

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12. And not just of a sexual nature: Dreaming of You.

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13. I fear this.

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14. Thank you karma, you hurt: Instant Karma.

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15. and our final lesson comes from the Twitter personality Bauvard – A work of art should stand on its own, divorced from the personality of the creator. That is the only way the creator can be a work of art in himself.  

So what am I learning? Embrace that individual inside you who has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. And above all, be true to you – if you cannot put your heart into it, take yourself out of it. Starting today…

1. Get your priorities right.

2. Take full responsibilities for your goals.

3. Know your worth.

4. Choose the right perspective.

5. Don’t let your old problems punish your dreams

6. Choose the things that truly matter.

7. Love You.

8. Accept your strengths and Weaknesses.

9. Stand up for You.

10. Learn from others, and move on when you must.

11. Be honest in your relationships.

12. get comfortable with being UNcomfortable.

13. Be who you were born to be.

14. Never give up on You.

The playlist today is a bit maudlin, we begin with Kayne West, go back to the 1970s to hear that song by Nazareth. The four pop divas: Miley Cyrus, Beyonce, Olivia O’Brien and Selena. We finish off with John Lennon: Love Hurts!!!

This will not stop me from spreading the ethos of Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included. I have extended it to a million people in my new tribe: Thriving People.

Join if you wish. Until we meet again, my dear friends.

unrl16

 

 

 

What the Fuck is Intimacy, anyway?


I spent the day with the remarkable woman who has come into my life. In new relationships often the sexual side of it is what is most relevant, as the lust factor is high. The question I asked her before I went there last night was would she read me the bible, as she is a woman of faith. She agreed, and it didn’t happen as many other wonderful things did.

What is intimacy, anyway? Here is a shot at four different types:

  • Experiential Intimacy: When people bond during leisure activities. People may “sync up” their actions in teamwork or find themselves acting in unison.
    • Example: A father and son work together to build a model train, developing a rhythm to their teamwork.
  • Emotional Intimacy: When people feel safe sharing their feelings with each other, even uncomfortable ones.
    • Example: A woman confides in her sister about her body image issues. She trusts her sibling to offer comfort rather than using her insecurities against her.
  • Intellectual Intimacy: When people feel comfortable sharing ideas and opinions, even when they disagree.
    • Example: Two friends debate the meaning of life. They enjoy hearing each other’s opinions and don’t feel the need to “win” the argument.
  • Sexual Intimacy: When people engage in sensual or sexual activities. When people use the word “intimacy,” they are often referring to this type.
    • Example: Two lovers engage in foreplay, knowing how each other prefers to be touched.

So can you guess what we did? We did the dishes, set up a piece of furniture, discussed how we were feeling and why was, mainly me resisting being present to it, massaged each other, cleaned the stovetop and went for an hours walk. It was serene and magnificent in its intimacy.

How does the world relate to intimacy, lets walk down that road together:

inti1

1. I met you six years ago. It was definitely worth the wait.

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2. When I reach this plateau, my body tingles all over: Soul Kind of Feeling.

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3. A writer of words, a poetic soul, an emotive expressionist, Ranata Suzuki is a poet and quote writer whose eloquent words form with painful clarity the sad yet beautiful world of the broken heart. An anonymous writer based in Sydney, Australia, Ranata is known only by her avatar of a bird carrying a book.

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4. How does the end of someone’s hair, become erotic. It’s easy in the land of intimacy: What Am I?

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5. I confess I have made those 3am texts.

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6. Especially now in lockdown in Melbourne, Australia we have to wear a mask when we leave the house: Bette Davis Eyes.

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7. When you get into this kind of intimacy sex feels redundant at times.

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8. Be weird with me, baby: Love is a Battlefield.

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9. We did this for part of our walk today.

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10. At times, I caught myself falling into hers when she looked back at me: Soul Man.

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11. And then there is the ultimate love, love of self.

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12.  I am actually feeling the I Love You’ in my heart, Yum: I Love You.

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13. And it takes work to achieve this state, AS Katie Byron says, time to do Te Work.

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14. Snap: Hurt.

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15. I took trust out of the picture, she told me to fuck off until I had got the cost of this in our relationship, lucky for me she has an awesome heart.

So I am on a journey of intimacy, perhaps for the first time truly in my 66-year-old life, it feels magnificent.

Today’s playlist begins with an Australian classic from the Dynamic Hepnotics, followed by Edie Bricknell and the New Bohemians. Two classic female rockers from last century are next, Kim Carnes and Pat Benetar. Sam and Dave then lay some funky R and B on us. We move back into the present with Billy Ellish and complete with the Man in Black, Johny Cash: What the Fuck is Intimacy, Anyway?

So the purpose of my ethos for the world: Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included is to have more intimacy available in the world. Until we meet again my dear friends.

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How Can You Mend A Broken Heart!!!


You may have noticed my past 5 blogs have been about growing friendship with my friend Amy. It moved quickly and then spectacularly into becoming lovers against all the reasons the world tells you that a friendship between two people 28 years apart in age should. Being used to a single life, where you domestic actions didn’t have a lot of repercussions to being in a partnership saw me totally do some things that have unfortunately taken it from you are the greatest lover I have ever had and talk about moving in together to stop treating me like I am your mother in a period just greater than 24 hours.

Did we really love each other, yes we did, but I allowed my actions to move our relationship from our hearts to her head. I sit here writing this close to tears and I have cried about ten times in my 66 years, my parents once sent me to a phycologist to see why I couldn’t during my teenage years, it didn’t resolve anything and I am still a non-crier basically. The only thing that shifted it was the joy I felt in my love for Amy, I would be sitting on a railway station and feel tears of joy welling up, very un Rod Williams like.

My relationship consultant friend who is also a phycologist advised that we should not contact each other for 30 days as to go from the passion of a ten to the lesser feelings of friendship, say a three to a five we had to journey through our grief and sadness at to what we had lost, as moments this sacred are rare in people’s lives. I fight with the urge daily to break this especially when Amy contacted me. I wanted to write platitudes how I would do anything to get back together, but this is the act of 17-year-old first love. I must admit after 12 years it did feel a bit like this for me.

I realise I could write 1,000s of words what this woman means to me, I will journal them later, so what has the world said about relationship breakdowns and broken hearts over the years. Let’s have a look:

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1. Oh, how I wished I could have stopped this occurring.

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2. Oh, how my heart yearns for this: How Can You Mend A Broken Heart.

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3. I love His Holiness quotes, but my heart does not want to agree with this one at all.

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4. Crossed fingers, but it fucking hurts so much at the moment: Don’t Judge Me.

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5. One of the things I did not do was break glass but forgetting to thank her most of the time was just as devastating.

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6. And to me, it is you: My Immortal.

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7. I am feeling this more and more as the pain slides away.

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8. I am not ready for Amy to do that yet, I may not be responsible for my reaction in the emotional state I am in at the present: Run Through The Jungle.

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9. This hurts in the I still love her zone.

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10. I was the storm: Riders On The Storm.

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11. I didn’t really do the second thing or did I, she has gone.

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12. I lost in the first round: Street Fighting Man.

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13. Ken oath.

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14. We talked about our families a lot: We are Family.

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15 And for our final lesson, well said Trent.

I spoke to a friend halfway through writing this for half an hour because I believe she has wisdom in this area. She advised me three things: 1. Take ownership for your part of the breakdown and look for the red flags that were there for it to happen. 2. Make agreements, keep them. If you are going to break them, communicate, communicate, communicate. 3. Take time to heal before you think about going back there, and do this day by day.

I am just doing these things now.

The playlist today is funk and rock and roll, we begin with the title track by The Bee Gees, then Chris Brown. Evanescence sneaks in this century’s rock track, then we go back in time to CCR, The Doors and the Rolling Stones. We complete with a ten minute epic by Chic and Sister Sledge, enjoy, it rocks: How can you mend a Broken Heart!!!

In my heartbreak, I have started a new tribe around my ethos Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included. It is called Thriving People – People who wish to make a difference to Humanity, my intention is a 1,000,000 people take up the challenge, here is the link to join, I would love you too: Thriving People.

Until we meet again my dear friends.

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You Know, It’s Never to Late!!!


Twelve years ago, after an emotionally abusive long term relationship I decided subconsciously I would never put myself through that again and chose the Life of Being single. I started doing personal development stuff and looked at different issues over the years, this one seemed to slip through to the keeper. Then I met a woman at Mojo. The first time we eye gazed for twenty minutes, the second time we screamed at each other for ten.

I didn’t know what to do, as a single man she could have asked me to fuck her on the dance floor and I probably would have said no. So I spoke to my mentor, who unpacked my single man decision. We then went through an exercise imagining her walk through the door and to see how close she could get to me. Not really close at all at first, just a few steps into the room. Many sessions later, it allowed me to be standing next to her with her in my arms. Nothing happened with this woman, because I was ages away from breaking the single man mould.

Two years later and several failed attempts by women, I have the honour to be in a relationship with a woman I had known six years. She is brave, confronting, loving and willing to go the whole nine yards to make it work. At times I am shit scared that it will not work out again and at other times there is so much ecstasy surging through my body I feel that I will implode.

So what has the human race said about love relationships, lets have a look:

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1. Everything, my beauty. Not some of it, the fear, the scared little girl, the raging anger, the hurt, all of it.

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2. What is the name of your street? Mine is Ecstacy Street: Love Street.

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3. Was I in love before that totally unexpected phone call, maybe?

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4. This is the final destination I seek: That’s What Friends Are For.

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5. I cannot put this into actual words, its a feeling.

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6. No words and I am a wordsmith: Your Smile.

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7. And see you and have you grow side by side.

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8. I love it that you love God, Beauty: Love Of My Life.

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9. Sound familiar?

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10. I hand these to you willingly, beauty: Somebody to Love.

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11. Even when my scared little boy identity fucks up and makes your heart ache, I remember your orgasmic smile.

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12. Helen Keller, blind and deaf: Insightfully speaking the truth: You’re Beautiful.

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13. What exactly is need?

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14. Truth 101: I Love You.

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15. And in the final lesson for this blog, I plead guilty as charged.

The title of this blog was meant to contain the word’s, Lost Life Opportunities as well. Why is this relevant? I reached Age Pension age, 66, one week ago. It is never ever too late. I must mention my life ethos of Love and Respect, Everyone Included. But I will finish with a question, what is going on that humanity trains our hearts to not trust they can be totally loved?

The playlist of love songs starts with The Doors, then the soulful Dionne Warwick and friends, also Rene and Angela.. next, Queen by two.  The penultimate song is by James Blunt and we complete with the one-hit wonders from the sixties, The Volumes: You Know, It’s Never to Late!!!

Until we meet again, my dear friends.

Is it for Life?


The joy of a new relationship!!! At the tender age of 65 one has entered my life. This one is special, sacred, even. Based on the premises of interpersonal therapy, it is about discovering your deeply held feelings, not the shallow on top immediate throwaway lines our identity serves up to protect us from really looking at what is going on for one.

I am naff at being with my anger with others, especially when I am angry with my new partner, I throw up frustration and sadness as my defences, seemingly unwilling to walk the depths of my anger, which makes her angrier with my seeming ineptness to journey in that particular area. We speak for hours at a time each day and go from deep love to telling each other to fuck off and never to speak to each other again. It is a mighty journey and warms my heart to the depth of my soul.

So why are I and so many people on the planet afraid of expressing their anger, which I am discovering more and more is healthy for one? What has the human race said about expressing anger over the years, here are a few of my favourite things:

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1. The simplicity of saying I feel angry and sitting with it and not making it go away instantly is a skill I am getting better at day by day.

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2. His holiness, a man who is depicted as never getting angry, has these wise words on the subject: His Holiness on Anger.

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3. And that patience is willing to stand in the anger and resolve what is causing it.

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4. Pushed down, this is what anger can cause in your body: Lose Yourself.

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5. Anger is where all the things hangout.

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6. Interpersonal Therapy is not easy but practised well, it is transformational: Dark Horse.

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7. As necessary as eating breakfast.

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8. And withholding and not growing in each moment, each interaction is not: Rolling In The Deep.

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9. Mine surfaces as pain and a headache across the front of my head.

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10. Amy is very skilled at this: Man Down.

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11. This is one of my faults in being with anger, I am cruel to myself a lot.

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12. And one way of doing this that. is very powerful is to sit inside the anger: Not Afraid.

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13. The power of working through feelings so there is growth from an interaction is extraordinary.

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14. And from the founder of Buddhism, comes this pearl: I’m Ready.

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15. And for our final lesson, we return to the Buddha again with a different but similar message.

Is it worth facing my anger to grow into the space that I feel is available in this relationship? I have never been more certain of something in my life. Will there be pain, yes. Will, there be joy at the breakthroughs, yes, and will there be suppressed anger rising to the surface, fuck yes.

The playlist begins with His Holiness, followed by Eminem. Three pop divas follow: Katie Perry, Adele and Rhianna. Back to Eminem and we finish the set with Sam Smith: Is it for Life?

We discussed what our passions were yesterday. What clearly came to the surface was that I am never going to fulfil my dreams of having the ethos: Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included whilst I am suppressing my anger in the world. Until we met again my dear friends.

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