There Lies Hidden Love in Each Friendship!!


Just spent a glorious weekend looking at Relationship with my fellow Warriors Of Love: Where we Hangout on line. One of the distinctions we looked at was How attachments learnt at an early age from our parents affect our ability to relate to society, as I had learnt a new set of distinctions on public speaking over the 6 previous weeks it felt like distinction overload. I relooked at it today and can see the benefit of studying the ideas a bit and how attachment can run your life.

So how has society dealt with attachment over the years, lets have a look:

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1. I think they call it Mindfulness these days.

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2. There is no try, yummy: Yoda’s Wisest Words.

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3. Ralph Marston  was a professional football player who spent a season in the National Football League with the Boston Bulldogs in 1929. His incisive motivational quotes are still used to this day.

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4. His Holiness rocks: Contemplate Impermanence.

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5. We are taught this from a young age, it takes a lot of practice to get over our early training.

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6. I spent quite a bit of time away from my mum early on, it may have had some effect later on to my relatioships, ha ha: Can’t Remember to Forget You.

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7. One word, Boom.

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8. Due to the early influences we need to practice this on a daily ongoing basis: Let Go of Attachment.

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9. The millennials take at it.

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10. Laughing at yourself, real Self Love: I Love to Laugh.

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11. Yasmin Mogahed received her B.S. Degree in Psychology and her Masters in Journalism and Mass Communications from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. After completing her graduate work, she taught Islamic Studies and served as a youth coordinator. She also worked as a writing instructor at Cardinal Stritch University and a staff columnist for the Islam section of InFocus News. Currently she’s an instructor for  AlMaghrib Institute, a writer for the Huffington Post, an international speaker, and author, where she focuses most of her work on spiritual and personal development. Yasmin recently released her new book, Reclaim Your Heart, which is now available worldwide. Visit her website, yasminmogahed.com, where you can find a collection of her articles, poetry, and lectures.

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12. Now known as spiritual bypassing: Spiritual Bypassing.

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13. One of a humans shadows, having to be in control, not easy to let go.

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14. Is this Enlightenment?: Young and Beautiful.

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15. And we finish with some uber wisdom from Ram Dass, if you need it or don’t there’s still work to be done.

I lost the sheet about the attachment styles so have meandered a bit from it, but it is worth a read.

The play list contains a lot of Spoken Word and even one silent track. We begin with Yoda, then to the silence of Art at Chance. one of our three female singers is next, it’s Shakira. Back to spoken word with Alan Watts. The over to the musical Mary Poppins. The penultimate spoken word is from Candance Van Dell and we finish with a sultry number by Lana Del Ray: There Lies Hidden Love in Each Friendship!!

I believe that racism comes from us attaching to the identities we are taught to attach to at an early age. That is why my mission is to have the world paradigm be Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included.

Until next we meet, my dear friends.

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Everyone Has Oceans to Fly!!


How do you know the difference between your preferences and your boundaries? I am doing this amazing online public speaking course called RISE with Fleassy Malay, it is the top 5 courses I have ever done, and I have done a lot over the years: Enter Fleassy’s World. and she points out that we often mix the two up, preferences become boundaries and boundaries become preferences. How do they differ, let’s look at their definitions:

Preference is defined as:

the fact that you like something or someone more than another thing or person:

Her preference is for comfort rather than stylish clothes.
I have a preference for sweet food over spicy.
Choosing furniture is largely a matter of personal preference.
It would be wrong to discriminate against a candidate because of their sexual preference (= the sex of the people they are sexually attracted to).

an advantage that is given to a person or a group of people:

We give preference to those who have worked with us for a long time.
Special preferences were offered initially to encourage investment.
Boundaries are defined as:
Like physical boundaries, emotional boundaries define separateness. Your emotional boundaries are the property lines that separate your thoughts and feelings from those of other people.
To me, preferences live in the realms of the examples above and boundaries are those gut feelings that much our stomach churn when we know they are not being respected or people have just walked through them.
So what does our society have to say about boundaries, there were some quite different expressions of it when I looked.
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1. Unlimited giving is a surefire recipe for health problems to emerge.

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2. Remember the age-old formulae: You are the result of the five people you spend the most time with, choose wisely: Get Up, Stand Up.

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3. Lamott has described why she writes: I try to write the books I would love to come upon, that are honest, concerned with real lives, human hearts, spiritual transformation, families, secrets, wonder, craziness—and that can make me laugh. When I am reading a book like this, I feel rich and profoundly relieved to be in the presence of someone who will share the truth with me, and throw the lights on a little, and I try to write these kinds of books. Books, for me, are medicine.

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4. You may lose some of your peeps when you put them in place, and who they are may surprise you: Brene’s take on it.

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5. Boundaries bring out people’s real nature.

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6. Have clarity when you set them, and then stand by them as if you are defending your child’s life: No Need to Argue.

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7. Boundaries actually increase your ability to give over time.

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8. You have to wake up with you in the morning, so make sure the respect is there: Respect.

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9. Teach the people in your life, or they will make it up how they relate to you.

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10. If how you relate to people crosses more than the one on one relationship you have some work to do: Crossing Boundaries.

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11. Today’s boundaries are how you live your life.

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12. Don’t accept an invitation if it crosses your boundaries, as said above no is a complete sentence: Ball and Chain.

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13. But always remember there are times your boundaries need to be fluid.

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14. Brene: Boundaries equals being courageous: Perfect.

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15. Our final lesson comes from the great Persian poet, Rumi. Have boundaries but remember to remain curious.

As we travel along our timeline some preferences may become boundaries and boundaries preferences. that is the joy of being human, each moment is a new experience allowing us to chose to grow or diminish. It’s up to Us, Because We Can, It’s our Time.

The Playlist honours some extremely powerful divas today. We begin with the only male, Bob Marley. The spoken word is next from Brene Brown. The sultry voice of the lead singer of The Cranberries is next followed by the powerful vocals of Aretha Franklin. Then a mini discovery in Mina AlAli. One of the great performances from the ’60s is next by Janis Joplin and we close with Pink: Everyone Has Oceans To Fly.

I don’t really like the other types of boundaries, I am fighting them as hard as possible to ensconce my world paradigm of Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included. Until next we meet, my dear friends.

Earth Tribe

 

 

If you Haven’t grown up by 50, You Don’t Have To!!


Birthdays, we have one every year, I have had 64 of them, something I did not expect to happen in my earlier wild, lost years. We are sort of given a list we are meant to fulfil by our parents: The partner, the kids, the house etc. etc. – I have failed dismally in adding a tick next to these particular things. Instead, I have my conscious community of friends, wild adventures like attending Confest, dancing regularly every week and making chai for two of the dances.

I am at that time in my life that I hear and read about aging gracefully, Fuck That – Its time to party and experience and provide all the things that our community offers and needs us to share our gifts with them. I was having such a conversation with two amazing women at a friends birthday who had broken the mould as well. On our journeys, we tend to find each other over time, firstly we must make some mistakes on the way but our passion and purpose finally get us there.

What does society say about aging with passion, here are a few of my favourite things:

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1. Taken to the extreme in one of my all-time favourite movies, Scarface.

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2. Especially if you suffered the same fate as the author of this quote, they shot him: My Baby Shot Me Down.

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3. This looks like a good read, great title.

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4. Fever means something different to those with passion in their bones: Fever.

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5. Takes something to get here, but Fuck, Yes.

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6. Marie Dressler was a Canadian-American stage and screen actress, comedian, and early silent film and Depression-era film star. Successful on stage in vaudeville and comic operas, she was also successful in film. In 1914, she was in the first full-length film comedy. She won the Academy Award for Best Actress in 1931. A career that rose and fell only to rise again because she did not buy the I am too old bullshit: Fly Me To The Moon.

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7. Who wants to keep making those stupid societal errors anyway.

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8. And they all came to celebrate my friend Jules at Naked for Satan on Sunday: That’s What Friends are For.

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9. Hail the enthusiastic ones.

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10. In 1970, after stepping down as NOW’s first president, Friedan organized the nationwide Women’s Strike for Equality on August 26, the 50th anniversary of the Nineteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution granting women the right to vote. The national strike was successful beyond expectations in broadening the feminist movement; the march led by Friedan in New York City alone attracted over 50,000 people. Betty was 49 at the time: I Feel Shitty

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11. Birthday today, time to break the rules.

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12. Not just a presidents wife, one rocking mama: Hello.

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13. Pick your favourite.

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14. If you do this properly, dementia will never be a thing: In My Life.

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15. For the final lesson, the first words are cut off, they are not really needed.

There are many ways to live ones live, your soul knows what is best for you.

Jules, the playlist is for you, Seven amazing female divas. Nancy Sinatra begins the journey followed by Peggy Lee. Dianne Krall and Dionne Warwick produce two absolute classics followed by the quirky Jane Friedman who you will not have heard of. The letter A features in the last two tracks with Adele and Allison Crowe. Jules, I expect to hear some of these at your next gig with Austin: If you Haven’t grown up by 50, You Don’t Have To!!

My life is dedicated to Love and Respect For All, Everybody Included no matter what your age, Until next time, my dear friends.

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A Relationship Is Like A House!!


Shit, I forgot to do my Thursday blog, sorry if you rely on it for your morning coffee break but I been having such a great time lately it slipped my mind. This morning I am feeling joyful after attending my friend Cat’s awesome graduation for the process she created called the Cor Method. Here’s the link, travel to Melbourne for eight weeks, it’s worth it: Link To A New Life.

I have been to both graduations and often find myself moved to tears by the amount of heart the participants reveal to their families and friends. From singing to dancing to spoken word each is creative in their own way, all speaking from the heart.

So what has the people of planet Earth said about opening one’s heart to the people in your life, let’s have a look:

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1. Many of the participants spoke of the negative stuff their mind was saying to them, but then their hearts took over, superb!!

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2. I prefer the former, hate has never resolved anything for me: Love and Hate.

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3. Gangaji currently writes and tours as a teacher. She holds that the truth of who you are is already free and at peace, which can be realized simply by ending one’s search.

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4. The course definitely allows more space for this: Love Myself.

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5. Maya loves the Cor Process too.

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6. Lots of famous people know the power that is contained in the heart: So Much Magnificence.

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7. Having revealed their hearts to the people they love, the participants need not worry about the former.

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8. You could palpably feel the hearts cracking open last night: Hallelujah.

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9. When you reveal all of what is in your heart some of this may happen.

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10. The eyes have it every time, for me: Bette Davis Eyes.

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11. How old is your Inner Child and does She/He still enjoy play?

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12. You know where it is hanging out, Go there: Yogi B Truth Hurtz.

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13. And how could I leave out the Persian poets?

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14. Why Cat is such a heroine in having created this bundle of transformation work: Always Look On The Bright Side of Life.

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15. The final lesson for today, Is a life without mistakes a real life?

I must acknowledge how I got to know Cat was through her delightful partner Ryan McRobb, through many connections. They give me hope as to what a joyful relationship could be like.

Today’s playlist has some long live tracks, I prefer live tracks to those from the studio, it’s more real. Using 7 artists in each blog and having done over 450 blogs you discover new artists all the time, we begin with one of them, Michael Kiwanuka, then one of my standard songs about self-love by Hailee Steinfeld. Then two great live tracks by Deva and Miten and Jeff Buckley. For a song about eyes, there is only one choice, Kim Carnes. The heart has to have some Bollywood so Vassan is next, and for some silliness, we complete with Eric Idle: A Relationship is Like A House.

In my heart lies the expression: Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included. Come for holidays in Melbourne and do the next course, we have some ace B and B’s here. Till we meet again, my dear friends.

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The Pain of the Process is only Temporary.


Wish you had more wellbeing? Are you longing for an evidence-based approach to consistently feel good and function more effectively at work? Do you need busy-proof practices to help you more confidently navigate the lows and highs we all experience?

What if you had a toolkit to unleash accomplishment. If you purchase Your Wellbeing Blueprint: Feeling Good and Doing Well at Work by Michelle Mcquaid and Dr Peggy Kern you get one: Get It Here.

There are seven levels to the tool kit, here they are:

  1. Setting Goals That Work – Know what you Want, Audit your Time, Stretch Yourself, Set Weekly Goals.
  2. Being Hopeful – Map Your Hopes, Start a Passion Project, Find Hopeful Friends.
  3. Practising Growth Mindset – Set Learning Goals, Get comfortable with Failure, Name your fixed Mindset, Growth Mindset Reflection.
  4. Developing Grit – Draw a Grit Map, Ask for Help, Invest in Deliberate Practice.
  5. Boosting Your Confidence – Strike a Power Pose, Take One Small Step, Acknowledge “Not Yet”.
  6. Being Self-Compassionate – Create a Mantra, Write a Letter, Soothe Your Pain, Remember to be Kind.
  7. Improving Your Resilience – Challenge Your Beliefs, Lean into the Suck, Ban “Always”, Flex Your Stress Mindset.

Shakespeare said, “Joy’s soul lies in the doing.” How has society written about this journey, Let’s take a look:

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1. Do what you love for work, and you will never work another day in your life.

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2. Burn, Baby, Burn: Burning Down the House.

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3. Charles Franklin Kettering sometimes known as Charles “Boss” Kettering was an American inventor, engineer, businessman, and the holder of 186 patents. He was a founder of Delco and was head of research at General Motors from 1920 to 1947. Among his most widely used automotive developments were the electrical starting motor and leaded gasoline.

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4. When you pass they will remember you for who you were, not what you owned: When I’m Gone.

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5. The dreams, they’re on the other side.

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6. Kids say such amazing things until we train it out of them: Lot To Learn.

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7. Eric Thomas, PhD is a critically acclaimed author, World-renowned speaker, educator, pastor and audible.com Audie Awards Finalist. ET, as he is better known, has taken the world by storm, with his creative style and high-energy messages. His words continue to impact tens of millions of people in several hundred countries across the planet!  Through a significant social media presence and his recent domestic and international tours, “ET, The Hip Hop Preacher” has become a global phenomenon!

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8. Boom: Tomorrow.

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9. You, Yourself, I.

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10. I learnt an expression at Landmark Education I will never forget, what you don’t know you didn’t know: Heaven.

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11. Katie Byron calls it the Work, you need to do it.

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12. of course, it’s Judy and Somewhere over the rainbow…: Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

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13. Two very similar statements with totally different meanings.

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14. I believe in miracles and unicorns, do you?: You Sexy Thing.

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15. And the final lesson, Yes, You are that person.
With more than 100 positive interventions to choose from, this book gives you everything you need to become an informed, confident, and active steward of your own wellbeing so you can wholeheartedly show up and be fully engaged in life — whatever it throws at you.

I really like today’s eclectic playlist. It begins with Talking Heads, moves over to Eminem, then another rapper in Luke Christopher. To the world of the musical with a track from Annie. The beautiful voice of Kane Brown is next, then the legend who is Judy Garland finishing with the sexy tones of Hot Chocolate: The Pain of the Process is Only Temporary.

So one of my accomplishments is to have Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included is part of common day language. Join me in spreading it until we meet again, my dear friends.

Make Your Life Simple But Significant!!


Someday life seems so complicated, yet other days we are in total flow: What is the difference? My friend Marc Chernoff suggests that there are things we should cease doing so we have more days of the latter. Here are Marc’s ideas:

  1. Stop berating yourself for being a work in progress.
  2. Stop doing immoral things just because you can.
  3. Stop meaning what you don’t say.
  4. Stop wasting time and money trying to acquire more of everything.
  5. Stop spending time with negative people.
  6. Stop trying to change people.
  7. Stop being lazy and cutting corners.
  8. Stop procrastinating,
  9. Stop worrying and complaining.
  10. Stop being dramatic.
  11. Stop trying to be everything to everyone.
  12. Stop making promises you can’t keep.
  13. Stop blaming others.
  14. Stop reacting without a plan.
  15. Stop confusing being busy with being productive.
  16. Stop over-committing and trying to do too much at once.
  17. Stop being inefficient simply because you’ve always done it that way.
  18. Stop cluttering your space.
  19. Stop overloading your mind by consuming useless information.
  20. Stop obsessing over the past and the future.
  21. Stop waiting for things to be perfect.
  22. Stop focussing so much energy on trying to avoid mistakes.
  23. Stop making emotional decisions.
  24. Stop being unhealthy.
  25. Stop holding onto intimate relationships that make you unhappy.
  26. Stop holding onto hate.
  27. Stop pretending like you know everything.
  28. Stop giving what you don’t want to receive.

Deep down in our hearts, we know these things would be good for us if we took them on. I wouldn’t recommend taking more than a few at a time, there is that adage new habits take 21 days to cement in place.

How far back does the advice on living life with ease go? Let’s have a look:

 

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1. Apparently, a long way: here is some wisdom on the subject from Confucius, who lived in China in the Fifth Century B.C.

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2. Time in nature is such a decluttering of the mind: Medicine.

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3. Some people prefer to complicate their life and even die before they make the changes that will benefit them.

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4. Physically steps are always forward, metaphorically, I am not so sure: Neon Blue.

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5. And then there is always an act of service.

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6. Are Kiss really a rock group on an acronym for a life less complicated: I was made for Loving You.

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7. Within the framework of his science-fiction stories, Heinlein repeatedly addressed certain social themes: the importance of individual liberty and self-reliance, the obligation individuals owe to their societies, the influence of organized religion on culture and government, and the tendency of society to repress nonconformist thought. He also speculated on the influence of space travel on human cultural practices.

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8. Self-explanatory really, each sunrise brings a new beginning if we are willing: A New Day Has Come.

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9. Start learning from your mistakes. Smile, then move on.

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10, Nike!!: Beat It.

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11. Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included.

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12. To turn left or right at the intersection, either way, It could profoundly change your life: Thinking Out Loud.

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13, Mini de complication list.

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14, Less complicated does not mean easy to do, they are entirely different things: It’s Not Easy,

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15, Finally, a reminder to surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be:, they are totally on your side.

What could you do to make your days less complicated, I’m sure there is something in this list that could empower you to live a less cluttered life, physically and mentally, go forward and try some on.

Today’s playlist contains some of the music industry heavies. We begin with the newbies, Queen Naija and Steps. Then four monoliths – Kiss, Celine Dion, Michael Jackson and Ed Sheeran. We finish with a visit to the African continent with Lucky Dube: Make Your Life Simple But Significant.

A way I find to not complicate my life is to show Love and Respect to All, Everyone Included. Best wishes until next time we meet, my dear friends.

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There is no Elevator to Success!!!


I was having a deep and meaningful conversation with a friend into what prevents us from meeting our goals which made me think of Angela Lee Duckworth’s great book Grit: Why Passion and Resilience are the Secrets to Success: Get It Here. 

Here are some great lines from the book: 

“What I mean by a passion is not just that you have something you care about. What I mean is that you care about the same ultimate goal in an abiding, loyal, steady way. You are not capricious. Each day, you wake up thinking of the questions you fell asleep thinking about. You are, in a sense, pointing in the same direction, ever eager to take even the smallest step forward than to take a step to the side, toward some other destination. At the extreme, one might call your focus obsessive. Most of your actions derive their significance from their allegiance to your ultimate concern, your life philosophy. You have your priorities in order.”

“Why were the highly accomplished so dogged in their pursuits? For most, there was no realistic expectation of ever catching up to their ambitions. In their own eyes, they were never good enough. They were the opposite of complacent. And yet, in a very real sense, they were satisfied with being unsatisfied. Each was chasing something of unparalleled interest and importance, and it was the chase— as much as the capture—that was gratifying. Even if some of the things they had to do were boring, or frustrating, or even painful, they wouldn’t dream of giving up. Their passion was enduring.

In sum, no matter the domain, the highly successful had a kind of ferocious determination that played out in two ways. First, these exemplars were unusually resilient and hardworking. Second, they knew in a very, very deep way what it was they wanted. They not only had determination, but they also had direction.

It was this combination of passion and perseverance that made high achievers special. In a word, they had grit.”

How does the world navigate this thing called Grit: Lets take that journey:

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1. John Ortberg is an evangelical Christian author, speaker, and senior pastor of Menlo Church in Menlo Park, California. One of his publications, The Life You’ve Always Wanted, has sold more than 500,000 copies.

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2. Grit is a lifetime hobby: Work It.

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3. John says give peace a chance, Wayne not Lennon.

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4. You can have it all – that’s what we think as kids, unfortunately, this is taken away from us in our school years: You can Have It All.

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5. I am ……………

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6. Come across to the other side, its fun over here: On the Dark Side.

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7. Passion and Perseverance – Fuck Yeah!!!

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8. Minna Thomas Antrim was an American writer. She is famous for the quote “Experience is a great teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.” She was also well known for her collection of toasts: Say Something.

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9. Way back to the 18th Century and Ralph Waldo Emerson for part of the recipe of Grit.

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10. Thrusting, now that takes Grit: Call on Me.

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11. I agree with Brene, possibly the bravest thing we will ever do.

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12. Never give Up in search of your dreams: Tough Lover.

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13. Ovid, way back in the times of the Roman Emperor was known as a poet of Love.

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14. Jon Gordon, known for his earth-shattering book, The Energy Bus, which is said about: “If you want to fuel your family, your career, your team, and your organization with spirit read this book. Jon’s energy and advice will leap off the page and help you cultivate positive energy in everything you do—and you will make the world a better place for your having been here: We Shall Overcome.

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15. How often are you unyielding, what does it take?

“In fact, when people drop out of things, they do so for a reason. Actually, they do so for different reasons. Any of the following four thoughts might go through your head right before you quit what you’re doing:

‘I’m bored.’
‘The effort isn’t worth it.’
‘This isn’t important to me.’
‘I can’t do this, so I might as well give up.’

There’s nothing wrong—morally or otherwise—with thoughts like these. As I tried to show in this chapter, paragons of grit quit goals, too. But the higher the level of the goal in question, the more stubborn they are about seeing it through. Most important, paragons of grit don’t swap compasses: when it comes to the one, the singularly important aim that guides almost everything else they do, the very gritty tend not to utter the statements above. …

 

Together, the research reveals the psychological assets that mature paragons of grit have in common. There are four. They counter each of the buzz-killers listed above, and they tend to develop, over the years, in a particular order.” They are Interest + Practice + Purpose + Hope.

The playlist today contains quite a few Pop divas: We begin with Rihanna and Drake, Then some rock and roll from Yo Lo Tengo and Eddie and the Cruisers. Two Christina Aguilera tracks are intersected by Eric Prydz and we complete with some wise words from Martin Luther King: There is No Elevator to Success. 

Remember to provide Love and Respect for All, Everbody Included until we next meet, my dear friends.

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