Everyone Has Oceans to Fly!!


How do you know the difference between your preferences and your boundaries? I am doing this amazing online public speaking course called RISE with Fleassy Malay, it is the top 5 courses I have ever done, and I have done a lot over the years: Enter Fleassy’s World. and she points out that we often mix the two up, preferences become boundaries and boundaries become preferences. How do they differ, let’s look at their definitions:

Preference is defined as:

the fact that you like something or someone more than another thing or person:

Her preference is for comfort rather than stylish clothes.
I have a preference for sweet food over spicy.
Choosing furniture is largely a matter of personal preference.
It would be wrong to discriminate against a candidate because of their sexual preference (= the sex of the people they are sexually attracted to).

an advantage that is given to a person or a group of people:

We give preference to those who have worked with us for a long time.
Special preferences were offered initially to encourage investment.
Boundaries are defined as:
Like physical boundaries, emotional boundaries define separateness. Your emotional boundaries are the property lines that separate your thoughts and feelings from those of other people.
To me, preferences live in the realms of the examples above and boundaries are those gut feelings that much our stomach churn when we know they are not being respected or people have just walked through them.
So what does our society have to say about boundaries, there were some quite different expressions of it when I looked.
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1. Unlimited giving is a surefire recipe for health problems to emerge.

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2. Remember the age-old formulae: You are the result of the five people you spend the most time with, choose wisely: Get Up, Stand Up.

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3. Lamott has described why she writes: I try to write the books I would love to come upon, that are honest, concerned with real lives, human hearts, spiritual transformation, families, secrets, wonder, craziness—and that can make me laugh. When I am reading a book like this, I feel rich and profoundly relieved to be in the presence of someone who will share the truth with me, and throw the lights on a little, and I try to write these kinds of books. Books, for me, are medicine.

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4. You may lose some of your peeps when you put them in place, and who they are may surprise you: Brene’s take on it.

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5. Boundaries bring out people’s real nature.

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6. Have clarity when you set them, and then stand by them as if you are defending your child’s life: No Need to Argue.

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7. Boundaries actually increase your ability to give over time.

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8. You have to wake up with you in the morning, so make sure the respect is there: Respect.

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9. Teach the people in your life, or they will make it up how they relate to you.

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10. If how you relate to people crosses more than the one on one relationship you have some work to do: Crossing Boundaries.

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11. Today’s boundaries are how you live your life.

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12. Don’t accept an invitation if it crosses your boundaries, as said above no is a complete sentence: Ball and Chain.

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13. But always remember there are times your boundaries need to be fluid.

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14. Brene: Boundaries equals being courageous: Perfect.

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15. Our final lesson comes from the great Persian poet, Rumi. Have boundaries but remember to remain curious.

As we travel along our timeline some preferences may become boundaries and boundaries preferences. that is the joy of being human, each moment is a new experience allowing us to chose to grow or diminish. It’s up to Us, Because We Can, It’s our Time.

The Playlist honours some extremely powerful divas today. We begin with the only male, Bob Marley. The spoken word is next from Brene Brown. The sultry voice of the lead singer of The Cranberries is next followed by the powerful vocals of Aretha Franklin. Then a mini discovery in Mina AlAli. One of the great performances from the ’60s is next by Janis Joplin and we close with Pink: Everyone Has Oceans To Fly.

I don’t really like the other types of boundaries, I am fighting them as hard as possible to ensconce my world paradigm of Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included. Until next we meet, my dear friends.

Earth Tribe

 

 

My Story Matters because I Matter!!


Have you seen it, I’ve watched it five times, etc. etc.. I’m talking about the latest Netflix sensation, Brene Brown’s special The Call to Courage. I’ve watched it once but have viewed everything on Youtube several times over the years. The title of this blog is one of her quotes, and when her last book Dare to Lead was released I pre-ordered it three times by mistake, my two friends I gifted it to were rapt.

I have read every book she has written at least twice because she is a great writer and makes it easy to receive many aha moments per page. Let’s list them:

  1. The Gifts of Imperfection.
  2. Daring Greatly.
  3. I Thought It Was Just Me: But It Isn’t.
  4. Rising Strong.
  5. Rising Strong As A Spiritual Practice.
  6. The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting.
  7. The Power of Vulnerability.
  8. Braving The Wilderness.
  9. Connections Curriculum – 12 Sessions.
  10. Dare To Lead – Brave Work.
  11. Women and Shame, Reaching Out.

 

Oops,  I have not read them all after seeing the list, two to go. I put Brene Brown quotes in Ecosia Images, I use Ecosia search engine ILO Google because of the fact they plant a tree for each click, and there were hundreds, it’s like all of her words are a quote that can transform your life. These are the ones I have chosen, It’s time for some Brene bliss:

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1. These days of the online world, they are called Trolls.

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2. And the booby prize is …: Perfectionist Complex.

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3. Don’t forget the little things, remember to stop and smell the Roses.

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4. If you only do what you know what you feel safe doing, the word boring comes to mind. Time to step up to mistake land: Another Lifetime.

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5. Happy, Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy, Joy.

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6. My marketing mentor laughed at me when I said I could do research for everybody. Andrew said, what about working with people you like working with, find the others: They must deserve It.

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7. We are not Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, at the base of it all, we are all human.

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8. Shadow and Light travel together, attempting to ignore the shadow is pure bullshit, the pain will remain and return tenfold until you are willing to deal with it: Growing Pains.

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9. For me, it lives in the realm of what we don’t know we don’t know.

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10. Kur-it. This is why my English students often stare at me with strange looks when I pronounce words for them: Reach Out.

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11. Repeat after me, I am Enough. Repeat after me, I am Enough, etc. etc…

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12. And at the base of it all, there is Love: Love Myself.

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13. How do you respond when a beloved shares their life with you?

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14. To be totally balanced in our bodies, we need to feel it all: Comfortably Numb.

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15. And fro Brene’s final lesson, it’s a long one and a doozy. If all you get is the aha moment from this one then Brene has done her job.

My top three: Daring Greatly, Rising Strong and Dare to Lead. It is also worth checking out her website, her free resources are awesome: Access to all Things Brene.

The playlist begins with two newbies to me, Jubyphonic and Nao. The spoken word has of course to be Brene, that’s next. Pop diva Alessia Cara follows and then we go way back to The Four Tops. Then my favourite Self Love song from Hailee Steinfeld and Pink Floyd close the set: My Story Matters Because I Matter.

So that’s my love letter to Brene Brown. She would be a fan of my lifetime paradigm: Love and Respect for All: Everybody Included. Until next time we meet, my dear friends.

Self Love 12

 

 

Be So Good They Can’t Ignore You.


I crew on three drug and alcohol-free dances within our community so ever rarely come across toxic drug and alcohol abuse spaces. I attended one on Saturday night as I had been invited by a DJ friend of mine, Mickey Space to attend his birthday gathering at a place called Horse Bazaar. It was like a return to my dark secret past. This was the venue my wildest girlfriend and I used to attend to dance after taking Acid or Ecstasy over a two year period every Saturday night 15 years ago. I never thought I would return there.

Mickey plays great music, so I was enjoying the dance when this rather drunken, amazingly beautiful young women, most of them are young when you are 64, came up to me and said, “You are too transparent, you’re not allowed to be that transparent, it’s unfair.”  I told her I was a Dancing Eros sister, an ISTA graduate and a Warrior of Love. I sat her down and showed her the Dancing Eros homepage, and said look it up when you are sober: Access to Dancing Eros.

What would life be like if we were all as transparent with each other as I was that scared the bejesus out of this young woman? I am an empath so often feel the effect we have on each other. Unfortunately, I feel the pain people think they are hiding that they don’t want people to see so often have to leave events early. What has society said about transparency over the decades? Here are the most relevant I could find:

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1. This is one gift if you think of it as one you receive as you become more and more transparent.

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2. Simply, His Holiness rocks: Dalai Lama’s Guide To Happiness

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3. All you do is confuse others when you continually change directions.

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4. Wikipedia thinks Himanshu is either an Indian Bollywood actor or a New York rapper, I’m not sure about that, but I really like the intent of this quote: There is So Much Magnificence.

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5. I have discovered I have worn a lot of masks over the years: Shyness, Judgemental, Alcohol and Drug Abuse, it takes committing yourself to a journey to remove them.

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6. Some words: Brene Brown, vulnerability, it’s worth it: Embracing Vulnerability.

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7. Not greatly relevant, but I like it.

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8. How often in our lives don’t we do this for the sake of keeping the peace: Honest.

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9. Transparency may lead you here.

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10. I think if you are living a transparent life, that the other two would just fall in place: I’m Your Man. 

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11. When I am writing a note to the woman I wish to be my beloved I write the following: Remember to Breathe next time we meet, my beloved. From your beloved, if that is what you have chosen. I am still waiting for a reply.

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12. It’s all in the eyes. They say they do not lie as they are the gateway to the soul: Bette Davis Eyes.

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13. Does this go along with Home is Where the Heart Is. Maybe.

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14. This may be a fallout out if people are on different journeys towards transparency: So Am I.

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15. And our final lesson comes from Bono, who points out powerfully the cost of not telling the truth.

There were quite a few definitions of what transparency means, this was my favourite: the quality of being done in an open way without secrets.

In tribute to being in Rise – Speaker Training the playlist contains two spoken word tracks. We begin with His Holiness, The Dalai Lama, then two of my favourites Deva and Miten. Then the current Netflix craze, Brene Brown. Then one of the many rappers around at the moment, Future. Two legends follow in Leonard Cohen and Kim Carnes, completing with Ava Max: Be So Good They Can’t Ignore You.

What I am transparent about is spreading the paradigm Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included. The more people I can have see this as a possibility, the merrier. Until we meet again, my dear friends.

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Intimacy is Into Me See!!


What is true intimacy? This is a question and a state of play I have been exploring for the last three years. Admittedly I am coming from a very low base. I have found one of the things that most gets in my way is when I come from I think I know what intimacy is. All those memes, books and audios on finding your true soulmate have begun to confuse me, how she should look, how old she should be, what sexual predications she prefers, does she have or want children, etc., etc. etc.

I make chai at a dance called Mojo, The Dance of Connection, It is a truly sacred place where most of the angst that society attaches to intimacy disappears over the duration of the night. One night I looked out over the dancefloor late into the night, and a sense of sadness came across me because I realised that over 50 per cent of these beautiful souls would go home alone. The expression Sacred Love Letters passed through me. I had no idea what that meant.

Over the next two weeks, I had many thoughts to what it could mean. This is what I came up with. Here we go: As we get older we are trained to not share our intimate moments, being told that it is not safe to reveal our greatest secrets. What does this lead to: Three facts, the divorce rate, average length of relationships 18 to 25: six months and the proliferation of dating apps with their dick picture postings.

So this workshop idea came through, its called The Sacred Love Stories workshop and the premise is that for each chakra you tell your, “If they ever knew that about me, they would never talk to me again story as well as your: Yes I actually did this, and I am not boasting story”. The premise is in doing it with people you might not know as well as your intimate beloved people there will be not as much as a charge and it will move you down the path to doing it with your beloveds.

I have not had the gonads to actually run it yet, but have a list of people I have to contact when I do. Its very close.

So what does society say about intimacy? There are lots of beautiful quotes on the subject, here are some of my favourites:

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1. I recently discovered that the person I hold in my heart does not feel the same way, surprisingly, in letting her go, I had the most erotic dance with her I have ever had in my life on Saturday night.

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2. Would you get an A-plus or an F: Hold My Hand.

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3. This is what I did the first night I put the women I mentioned in my heart.

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4. So who of my readers have heard of the 70’s group the Seekers: A World of our Own.

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5. Can’t read the authors name, but more Eye Gazing.

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6. Kiara was born in Barquisimeto, Venezuela. She took her first steps into the entertainment world when she joined her school choir but, because of her distinctive, powerful voice, the rest of the members didn’t feel she blended in well and wasn’t allowed to stay in their musical ensemble. Seven best selling albums later, she sort of proved them wrong: Liberame.

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7. Jim Carrey, Fear and Love, Google It.

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8. Mazlo missed this one: All of Me.

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9. One day we meet the one we never get over and then we know why all the others did not work out.

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10. You look across the room, and their weird says, Thank god I finally found you, game over: Sweet but Psycho.

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11. I love the saying it’s easy to get a kiss, not that hard to have sex, but finding the one who touches your heart and warms your soul, that’s hard shit.

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12. Rollo Reese May was an American existential psychologist and author of the influential book Love and Will (1969). He is often associated with humanistic psychology, existentialist philosophy and, alongside Viktor Frankl, was a major proponent of existential psychotherapy: Hope.

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13. Sometimes its not about the jiggy thing.

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14. Break down the wall that prevents you from having intimacy in your life: The Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships.

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15. And for our final lesson, a reminder that the intimacy must begin with ourselves.

So my breakthrough has come by being curious about it and checking with my heart, and not the memories in my head of my past failures. Would you like to be added to the Workshop waiting list? I promise it will happen this year.

Today’s playlist covers 5 decades and three countries. It begins with the County superstar, Jess Glynne. Then a blast from the past, the most popular 70’s Aussie band, The Seekers. We cross the ocean to Venezuela to hear Kiara. The smooth John Legend follows, then the quirky Ava Max. Pop diva Natasha Bedingfield sings a song of Hope and we finish with some spoken word from Marianne Williamson:Intimacy Into me See

As well as intimacy in my life I also wish for the community paradigm to be Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included. Until we meet again my dear friends.

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Freedom is a State of Mind!!


Going off the grid for 5 days from 6AM tomorrow morning, off to Confest for the first time in 30 years with two of my friends who are Confest virgins. A little about the festival: ConFest (Conference/Festival) is a gathering of people wishing to share talents, skills, ideas, concerns and philosophies in a caring fun loving and tolerant atmosphere. The presentation of workshops, demonstrations, entertainments and the maintenance of site facilities are all performed by volunteers, monetary payment is neither accepted nor made.

At ConFest, people often set up villages with differing themes. ConFest is a clothing optional space, this means ConFesters can wear, or not wear anything they chose. Everywhere at ConFest is clothes optional. Don’t be surprised to have a naked ticket collector when you arrive at the ConFest gate. Clothing can range from nothing to body paint, a coat of mud, a sheet, a fairy costume, even a ball gown or dinner suit. At ConFest, clothing is not gendered specific. There is just one simple rule, respect other ConFester’s choices. A long-running and very popular ConFest tradition is the communal artist’s studio. Activities include body and sign painting, life drawing, clay work, organic art, photography etc. Artists, models and workshop facilitators are always welcome.

I am looking forward to returning, last time I went it was around 1,000 people, it is now over 6,000. How do 6,000 people express their own individual shades of freedom? Then, how does society comment on personal freedom, let’s have a look:

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1. I love that saying, there is only climbing.

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2. Its all in the air: The Air that I Breathe.

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3. Thucydides has been called the father of the school of political realism, which views the political behaviour of individuals and the subsequent outcomes of relations between states as ultimately mediated by and constructed upon the emotions of fear and self-interest.

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4. You got to fight for the right to…: You’ve got to Fight…

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5. Mail, Key, Bike, etc. etc. etc.

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6. There are rules that you are not meant to follow in your life, they are your bullshit rules: Nkosi Sikilel iAfrika.

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7. The next step after freedom.

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8. I . have met many of these fine people in the past six years of my healing journey, far too many to mention, you know who you are, Thank you: Love Street.

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9. It travels hand in hand with integrity.

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10. Nothing, Nada, No way, Fuck Off: No Way, Get Fucked, Fuck Off.

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11. One word – Rumi!!

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12. It may be known as Nirvana: Come as You Are.

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13. Ask, expect. depend: Cry Freedom.

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14. The curly haired eccentric one knows how to say it: Believe.

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15. And our final lesson, two words: Fuck Yes.

What workshops will I do, they go all day supposedly. I will do ones that touch my heart.

Today’s playlist is great. A classic from The Hollies, The Beastie Boys next imploring you to …, A stirring National Anthem is thrown in next. Three of my faves from different eras, The Doors, The Angels from OZ, finishing with Nirvana. Mumford and Sons close it out with a plea to our senses: Freedom is a State of Mind.

Freedom to me would be the world living from Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included. Until we meet again on the other side, my dear friends.

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Three Things that Can No Longer Be Hidden!!


I was saddened when Debbie Ford died in 2013, I loved her work, it was so insightful. I recently found her book: The Dark Side of the Light Chasers – Reclaiming your Power, Creativity, Brilliance and Dreams in one of my cupboards. I opened it to page 68 and the following paragraph caught my attention: “Unconcealing is the first step of the shadow process. Unconcealing requires rigorous honesty and willingness to see what you haven’t been able to see. Acknowledgment of our shadow self-begins the process of integration and healing. Remember that each of these “negative’ traits has a positive gift for you, more value than you can even imagine. It’s only a matter of doing the work, and in a short while you’ll receive the blessings of wholeness, happiness and freedom.”

She still has a fine website dedicated to her work: The Gifts of Debbie Ford., you get a free audio if you sign up, her work is worth it. on the next page there are about 200 shadow words, here are just a few: Greedy, liar, phony, cheap, hateful, jealous, vindictive, controlling, nasty, possessive, bitchy, wimp, evil, geek, prudish, womanizer, slut, angry, secretive, codependent, predator, alcoholic, drug addict disgusting stupid,idiot, fearful, unconscious: that’s enough, you will have to buy the book if you want the whole list.

So why don’t we unconceal our shadows and dive deep into them to allow them to be healed by bringing them to the fore, the best way I have found to achieve this is through presencing them in your body, mind work does not do it for me anymore.

Let’s have a look at some quotes on the subject of unconcealing our lives:

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1. As Byron Katie says, do the work, it’s the only way.

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2. Don’t know if I agree with the first line, perhaps in Donald Trump: You’re so Vain.

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3. And this is one area in our lives that what we don’t unconceal can have terrible costs, please reveal your sacred love stories to each other.

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4. These rules will help you unconceal the areas you don’t do it, because with the light comes the shadow: Fight the Power.

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5. Myrtle Reed was an American author, poet, journalist, and philanthropist. She wrote a number of bestsellers and even published a series of cookbooks under the pseudonym Olive Green.

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6. Art, when unconcealed centuries later, reveals a lot about the cultures that have gone before us: Art for Art’s Sake.

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7. Having appreciated Rodin’s The Thinker sculptor for time immemorial love this quote re unconcealing our naked form.

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8. I have cried three times in my life since my baby days, one of them was when I was watching a tearjerking episode of Apple’s Way, a cheesy 1970’s TV show, go figure: Hello.

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9. As is a man.

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10. Have you unconcealed your commitment to service, it comes when you get to realise that life on earth isn’t satisfying when its all about you: People Help The People.

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11. Beautiful image, time to unconceal the Universe, my friends.

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12. Putting in Isha brings up Esha Gupta, an insanely beautiful Indian Bollywood Actress, arguments get the matter dealt with: Zombie.

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13. Think Donald in the U.S.A, Malcolm and Peter in Australia, Recep in Turkey, Bashar in Syria.

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14. Drisi is a young woman from India who describes herself as a bibliophile and a learning enthusiast, It’s great she is featured in Google images: Love Yourself.

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15. And finally, Unconceal the wild woman and man within you and unhide the love for yourself.

At the end of the demonstrative list of negatives is the following exercise and insight: “Imagine that an article was written about you in your local newspaper. What are the five things you would not want to be said about you? Write them down. Now try to imagine five things they could say about you that wouldn’t matter to you at all. the question is. are the first five things true and the second five untrue? Or, have you decided with the help of your family and friends that the first five things are the wrong thing to be, therefore you do not want them said about you? We  must uncover what is behind these words, so we can take back these disowned parts of ourselves.

Write down the judgements you have about each of these words. See if you can identify when you first made that judgement or whom you took that judgement from. Was it your father, mother or another family member? I’m sure this excercise will unconceal enough to start the transformation, its a worthwhile book to get to have the entire list.

The Playlist today begins with the 1970’s icon Carly Simon, then some grit from Public Enemy, a classic from Ten CC, A massive hit from Adele, Birdy follows with a plaintive plea, some Indie Rock by the Cranberries finishing with Hailee Steinfeld who appeared in the last playlist. Here’s the link: Playlist for Today.

Namaste until next we meet, dear friends.

namasteflower

 

When you make a difference!!


In my senior years, I have fulfilled one of the wishes my dear father had for his children, that we follow him into the noble profession of teaching. I was expelled after Year 11 for not going to school so the standard route to it had the door slammed on it. Over 40 years later I find myself being a one on one English tutor to one of China’s top general’s daughter, A Venezuelan biochemistry lecturer who can speak about ten words of English and a Chinese Medicine doctor who treats his 200  patients in Shanghai via Skype.

So, my question to you today is, how do you make a difference in other peoples lives? A lot has been written about it over the centuries, and here are some of my favourite ones:

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1. Robert GreenBob” Ingersoll was an American lawyer, father of the feminist Eva Ingersoll Brown, a Civil War veteran, politician, and orator of the United States during the Golden Age of Free Thought noted for his broad range of culture and his defence of agnosticism. He was nicknamed “The Great Agnostic”.

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2. AKA Money doesn’t buy you happiness and you can’t take it with you: Where Is the Love.

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3. Reminds me of my paradigm statement: Love and Respect for All – Everyone Included, get on board, people.

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4. Nelson was born Rolihlahla Mandela, Nelson is his anglicised name. No matter, we all love Rolihlahla for what he gave to the planet in the name of peace: Nelson Mandela song.

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5. Then, we move onto the man, who wore a loin, freed the second largest nation in the world from the colonial rule when they didn’t want to give it up.

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6. Yay, I get to play my favourite 60’s rock anthem by Carlos’s band from Woodstock: Soul Sacrifice.

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7. Step up to the plate, my darling young ones.

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8. As kids we were going to be nurses, doctors, firemen and astronauts, you still have time to live your dreams: Embraceable You.

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9. Some more Nelson wisdom.

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10. Who is Alexandra Trenfor?  Quora’s answer is: I don’t really know, so I did some research. Perhaps she’s a blogger? I could find no other references to her. If you find out, let us know: Teacher.

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11. The bliss of blessing yourself and others, Yum!!

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12. As I could not read the name under this beautiful quote, I looked it up. You get the prize for it, Mandy Hale: Take Care.

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13. And the simplest way to make a difference is…

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14. Come on and feel the noise, as it makes a huge difference in people’s lives: Cum on, Feel the Noize.

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15. And we finish on a sad note with a quote from a president a nation killed for trying to.

I live in the conscious community of Melbourne, Australia. I could list countless people who make a difference on a daily basis, love you all. But I will finish with the gift Julieta gave to my dad wherever his spirit is hanging, “Rod, you are a very good teacher.”

The Playlist for today owes a lot to the 1970’s. The Black Eyed Peas start it off, then the anthem the Specials rode to fame on about Nelson. Then from the 70’s Santana, Willie Nelson and Jethro Tull. Back to the present with Drake featuring Rihanna then a rollicking number from Slade to finish who I saw in the rain with my younger sister at the Melbourne Showgrounds in the 70’s

Namaste until next time, my dear friends.

namasteflower.