I Decide My Vibe!!


What am I feeling today, a little bit of fear as to what it will take me to break through my always knowing about how to perform in a relationship and ask my new friend if it can be more than a friendship, we can all relate to the just friends scenario, it has devastated me at different times in my life.

I feel something in my heart that has not been there for a long time, yet I feel almost frozen to do anything about it. It’s a, we work together situation and is it politically correct in these days of  #metoo to pursue it further. Fuck, it hurts my heart.

So, what have we, as a community said about moving to the next level in relationships, let’s open our hearts up and find out:

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1. So true, being numb and frozen clearly does not work.

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2. Which floor do you require? My lift operator in my heart to self: Level Up.

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3. The exact advice my friend Phoenix gave me in an Expand The Box exercise we were in last night when I tried to find the answer in my head, not my heart.

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4. Focus on what’s in your heart, not your head: Listen to Your Heart.

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5. Are you an Id flyer?

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6. Oops, this gets in: Same Old Shit.

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7. This will help break through the numbness.

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8. Shag pile carpet or facing reality, choose: Uncomfortable

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9. Is that a goddess picture, maybe?

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10. How do you get from point A to point B: More Than Friends.

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11. Another way of saying what Phoenix pointed out that I needed to do for it to have any chance.

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12. I believe in the starseed theory, that the universe is listening to our spoken and unspoken requests and tries to answer them: Across The Universe.

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13. I’m sure my millennial nephews would understand what he is saying, I’m not so sure.

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14. Language, it can make you quite sad at times: Computer Games.

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15. And for our final lesson, Rod, fucking remember this and get out of your head.

When you are not researching possibility as your source but entering the world of feelings I notice that my blogs have become much shorter. How many words do I have blocked in the frozen parts of my body, we shall see over time.

The Playlist has a classic death metal fuck you track amongst it today. We begin with Ciara, travel back to Roxette. Cross the political correct boundary with Macz, then rock out with Halestorm. Jason Mraz and Meghan Trainor ask each other a relationship question. Rufus Wainwright redefines a Beatles song and we finish with an Oz classic from Mi-Sex: I Decide My Vibe.

Relationships must come from Love and Respect for All, Everyone Included, Peace out to next time, my dear friends.

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I’m a Good Enough Person to Forgive You, But?


Two weeks ago I did a course called Awakening Women for Men led by three of my friends, Alley, Shaney and Jared, for some reason I like befriending the leaders more than the participants. An exciting occurrence after having done this course my other women friends are very interested in what were we taught, something like, did they give our secrets away.

I shared in a non-revealing way one of the processes called opening the veil and that women like men being in control in certain situations that invoke the mature masculine in men. One of my friends who asked is my acupuncturist and as I lay there with my needles on board this came to me:

Say I had walked in the door and our eyes crossed, and I said beautiful one, I want to go out with you, by the way, I recently broke up with Julie a month ago. I would know when I am projecting Julie onto you when I am actually with you, It would give us a chance to create something new and magical, my friend shuddered.

Move on ten days, The woman who I did my first ever retreat with was in town, Tanishka Tantrika. It was back in December 2013 and called Rainbow Bridge 13:13:13. It’s another story how I got there but I gave up my what is this woo woo and trusted my friend who recommended I go. Tanishka was running a Sacred Union ritual with her new partner to heal the break between the divine masculine and divine feminine. The closing circle where 19 men and 19 women stated how they had betrayed the union between the two and the ceremony of forgiveness by washing them away while chanting I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I love You, an ancient Hawaiin chant will remain in my heart for the rest of my life.

So, how do we restore trust and what have we written about it over the centuries: let’s party.

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1. It’s the actions that buy back the trust. Having sold 10 million books on the subject, Dr Clouds actions lie in homelessness in the inner city, as well as missions in the developing world.

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2. I think my friends name for working with Anger: Reclaiming Anger speaks volumes as to who the person suffering is: Hold On I’m Coming.

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3. From the worlds greatest quote writer, Ms Unknown, this one bites home.

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4. How many times have you broken this trust in your life, you may even do it to yourself: Trust.

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5. Heartbreak Hotel came to my mind, not a song track though.

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6. You will be able to fire your Fortune Teller: Fortune Teller.

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7. A vital part of the recipe.

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8. Trust trumps Love: does it in your life: Nothing Else Matters.

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9. Shadow and Light, they travel together.

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10. Hate is the most dangerous form of Anger, it belittles our soul so much, but at times the last line speaks volumes: Part of Me.

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11. One for the inner work.

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12. What you serve up in life, that’s how much you are capable of receiving back: When You’re Gone.

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13. I have a friend who did not speak to her parents for 13 years when she forgave them and reconnected they did not even remember the incident, please do not do this to yourself.

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14. Three letters. MLK: New Attitude.

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15. And the reason I chose this for our final lesson, I so love the image.

According to Nietzsche, to wish away our past is to wish ourselves out of existence. It’s nearly impossible to steer our lives in a particular direction until we come to terms with our past. Each significant event in our lives changes how we view the world and ourselves. The thought of reviewing our entire past is often overwhelming. But it an essential part of the process. Our past is a blessing that guides and teaches, and it carries as many positives as negatives. Will I be able to not project as much, we shall see, but it feels fucking magnificent.

The playlist goes nearly as far back as my year of birth, 1954. We begin with Sam and Dave, move forward to Christina Perri. Bounce back with early Rolling Stones, then rock it out with Metallica. Three superb women finish it off, all from different eras, Kate Perry, Avril Lavigne and to finish Patti Labelle: I’m a Good Enough Person to Forgive You, But.

So we will finish with the ho’oponopono mantra to presence Love and Respect For All, Everybody Included. Until next time, my dear friends.

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Not on my watch, Anymore!!


I wrote the following in my Facebook news feed two days after New Zealand:

I am sitting in Preston Town Hall at the Multicultural fair, cultural diversity Festival 2019. There are hijab’s and henna painted hands everywhere, so many different cultures. Firstly I went to the Preston Mosque, ironically the day after NZ they had already invited their neighbours so they could meet and enjoy a meal together. I was privileged to hear the Imaan give his welcome speech and his communities comment on NZ. I firstly had spent an hour having my hand shaken by both Muslim men and women thanking me for being there, I did not know if it is cool to walk around a mosque with tears flowing from your eyes so I sort of controlled it. The Imaan spoke of common humanity, then of a noble death, where you are looked after in the afterlife. He quoted the Koran where it says if you kill an innocent human being you kill the spirit of the human race. I made a promise to myself at that moment I will do everything in my power that this will never happen again on my watch. 

I picked up my friend and extraordinary poet Ari Amal’s beautiful tome: The Details and the Infinite when I got home and opened it to the following poem, it spoke to my heart, here is her webpage link: Find out about Ari.

May All The Blossoms Within You Unfurl

It only takes one brave bud

To start a revolution

So to the buds in you that are yearning to burst open

These words are for you:

Darling ones

Spring has come

It is time to become

All that you are

So lift your face to the sun

& laugh with the sky

For even your fragrance is a Gift

To those who happen by

It only takes one brave bud

To start a revolution

So tell me,

Who amongst you will inspire 

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I don’t think the human being who committed the heinous act in Christchurch had read it, who amongst us will do what it takes to transform the world into the majestic place it could be. What have we written about it, let’s take a look:

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1. One of the bravest acts a human being , can commit in their lifetime, be themselves in the face of the crap society throws at them not to be.

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2. Can’t read their name, but I have enjoyed the revolution, my artistic friends have created for the past 45 years: Art for Art’s Sake.

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3. “Nisker’s book (Essential Crazy Wisdom) is twenty-three times more liberating than the Bible, the Torah, and the Koran combined. It may be crazy to say such a thing but it is also wise.”  — Tom Robbins, author.

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4. From the Black Panthers, if you don’t know who they are, google it. It’s not about the people, it’s about their stand: The Revolution Will Not Be Televised.

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5. Begin one today.

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6. No Isaac Newton here, grow some: Formation.

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7. Donald Trump, Scott Morrison and other far-right world leaders, Jacinda and us mob, we are coming for you.

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8. Dorothy got this answer to a question, I don’t accept it: Que Sera Sera.

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9. A revolution of desire has given us today’s world, pick again.

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10. Will it be yours, what area in your life will it be: Stir It Up.

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11. He, Joseph Stalin may have got carried away with his zeal but I get his point, just don’t go over the top like Uncle Joe did.

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12. When I read George’s books, I decided Tyrion Lannister was one of the great characters in literature. Not just fantasy literature – literature! A brilliant, caustic, horny, drunken, self-flagellating mess of a man. And there was only one choice to play him.”: Never Forget You.

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13. And, Go!!

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14. If you are decluttering your house to do this, stop it: Smooth Operator.

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15. And finally to my Mojo crew, Awakening Women for Men brothers, Warrior of Love travellers, Dancing Eros sisters in male bodies, Expand the Box and Possibility Lab cronies, my ISTA family and my siblings Hugo, Ruthie and Jann, two words, Fuck Yes!!

I think writing this has helped the sadness I feel in my gut for what happened in New Zealand, time to grow some and go.

I like today’s playlist, it has some of music’s icons and one of my favourite spoken word jazz tracks: 10cc with a classic head it off, Gill Scott-Heron then some diva pop from Beyonce. Then we go way back to Dorothy Day. The certified legend Bob Marley follows, next is new to me but not ten million people, The Noisettes, and we finish with the always sensual Sade: Not on my Watch, Anymore.

Do I really have to say it, We need Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included or we all may not wake up one day because we thought everything was OK and someone will prove that wasn’t true in an ultimate way.

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Drop the last year into the limbo of the Past!!


Fast forward to December 2019. You’re sitting at home pondering the year that’s been…What’s next? My friend Emeli and her crew wrote this as a sub-heading under 2019, ideal vision in Lifebook 2019 On Purpose: Get in Contact.

Em asks 8 questions, they are as follows:

  1. Who are You? What have you achieved? Where do you want to be?
  2. List the top three reasons you want this vision.
  3. Who do you want to be in 2019? List three small actions you can take to make a big change.
  4. What advice would you give to yourself in a year’s time?
  5. What books do you want to have read?
  6. What places do you want to have travelled to?
  7. What hobbies will you have started?
  8. Who would you have kissed more? Hugged more? Made, deep, deep love to?

So, if you are deeply ensconced in your humanity, you will have up and down periods over the year, so what are some of the favourite quotes about the year that was, let’s take a stroll down that lane:

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1.  Andriy Shevchenko is a soccer player and politician who made Champions League history; on 23 November 2005, he scored all four goals in Milan’s 4–0 group stage drubbing of Fenerbahçe, becoming only the fifth player to accomplish this feat; his company includes Marco van Basten, Simone Inzaghi, Dado Pršo and Ruud van Nistelrooy (while Lionel Messi joined that group in the 2009–10 season and Robert Lewandowski in 2012–13), and the only one to have done it in an away game. 

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2. By the worlds most prolific quote writer, Ms Unknown, the world gets you: Golden Years.

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3. Don’t forget to include the fun factor as well as the hard work during 2019.

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4. Two words: Simon & Garfunkel: Frank Lloyd Wright

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5. Each of us reaches this revelation at different stages in our lives, will you do it in 2019?

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6. And some of it you dread and other bits you say Fuck, Yes too: After All These Years.

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7. For the sisters.

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8. René Karl Wilhelm Johann Josef Maria Rilke, better known as Rainer Maria Rilke, was a Bohemian-Austrian poet and novelist. He is “widely recognized as one of the most lyrically intense German-language poets. Obviously, Maria must have been a strong family name to be chosen to keep: Best thing I never Had.

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9. One of the shortest professional tennis players ever, Michael’s Chinese name (simplified Chinese: 张德培; traditional Chinese: 張德培; pinyin: Zhāng Dépéi) was chosen by Joe, his father and his English name by Betty, his mother (who named him after her father).

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10 Hurts so bad but living so good, great line: Hurt So Bad.

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11. Can you genuinely say this?

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12. Thirty, the new …..?: The Prime Time of Your Life.

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13, Just, because I can.

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14. Will it fill up your 1,000-litre cup: A Thousand Years.

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15. And the final message is for my beloved Warriors of Love.

Emeli also stated: that we can spend all day making lists of the external ‘stuff’ we want like clothes, cars etc. But what really drives us. I will leave you with that question to ponder over the months of 2019.

Last century songs outnumber the 2000’s in tonight’s playlist. We begin with David Bowie, then further back to Simon and Garfunkel. Some rock from Journey follows, then we move forward to Beyonce. Another oldie from Linda Rondstat, then we finish with two tunes written after the 2YK crisis by Daft Punk and Christina Perri: Drop the Last Year into the limbo of the Past.

So I have a request, in 2019 spread the ethos of Love and Respect for All, Everybody Included amongst your communities, workplaces, families and love relationships.

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