I was recently talking to a friend outside her house discussing what publicity I could help with for an event she was involved with to receive a discounted ticket when I recieved an SMS from my bestest friend asking me if I was off the airwaves.
I SMS’d her back and explained what I was doing or at least I thought I did. I then received another SMS asking where we still going out that night. I sent one back saying that going out with her was my main priority. The reply I received was not what I expected, It was that she had not felt that way for a long time and felt I was being negative to her.
After the initial shock of receiving such a reply I realise that we needed to discuss the difficulties we had been having in catching up and forgive each other and re- establish our friendship to what it had been when we first started going out with each other.
Wikipedia defines Forgiveness as follow –
Forgiveness – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia//
Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.[1][2] Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), pardoning (granted by a representative of society, such as a judge), forgetting (removing awareness of the offense from consciousness), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship).[1]
In certain contexts, forgiveness is a legal term for absolving or giving up all claims on account of debt, loan, obligation or other claims.[3][4]
As a psychological concept and virtue, the benefits of forgiveness have been explored in religious thought, the social sciences and medicine. Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the person who forgives[5] including forgiving themselves, in terms of the person forgiven or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven. In most contexts, forgiveness is granted without any expectation of restorative justice, and without any response on the part of the offender (for example, one may forgive a person who is incommunicado or dead). In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgment, an apology, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe himself able to forgive.[1]
I have chosen quotes from across the Ages to see what our society has to say about it, Here we go –
1. In our love relationships we will always come across things that make us arc up. This enables us to practice the noble art of forgiveness on a daily basis to restore the deep state of Love that we committed too when choosing those particular people to fulfil these roles in our life.
2. When we are ruminating on the past and blaming others or being the victim of circumstances in our lives, it is valuable to realise tht we cannot change events as they occurred but we can drastically lessen the effect they will have on our future by uttering the words, silently or out Loud, I foryou you, me , them etc. etc.
3. Lissa Rankin, Author of the ground breaking book The Fear Cure points to that a major percentage of disease is caused by False Fears. On reading the books I discovered that a lot of these fears come from things and events where you have not forgiven ,even to the point of Heart Attacks, here is the link to her page about it – The Fear Cure .
4. Self Forgiveness is an important part of Self Love, a state that is required to allow other Love into your life. Be courageous in admitting that even you make mistakes.
5. Holding on to interactions and events that play on your minds days and years later is very bad for your mental health research shows. Converting these from a bitter experience to a valuable lesson will free you from the debilitating illnesses that often follow the practice of blame and shame.
6. Every Tuesday the local Council come and collect the rubbish I have been unable to recycle. If is was as easy to clear the mind of holding of things from the past that clutter up our lives.
7. The vow goes I will love and cherish, whether in Good Fortune or adversity. Its not always plain sailing on the good ship Matrimony. Moments of forgiving occur every single day as we journey down this sacred path.
8. How long have you sentenced yourself to. I had one shadow belief that was from the age of four. It only took to the tender age of 60 to realise what it was costing me, the world looked very different after letting this one go. I suppose there was no internet and Facebook when I took it on.
9. World Peace Day is 21st September, It is dedicated to world peace, and specifically the absence of war and violence, there have been a total of 26 days of peace since 1945, the end of World War 2, the War to End all Wars. Oops got that one a little eschewed.
10. Be in the Now, Moment to moment, Discipline – all words that point to what is needed to live in the state of the dignity of True Forgiveness.
11. Any you an anyone or a butterfly? Butterflies have beautiful colours and character and fly lightly in the wind because they are not carrying their past burdens around with them.
12. Two steps forward, three steps back doesn’t get much done. When you grant yourself and others the precious gift of forgiveness you free your feet from work-boots to the latest Nike runners and you have the ability to Just Do It!!
13. Promises, Promises was a minor hit for the band Naked Eyes in the eighties. What they sung in the 80’s. Its about how much value we place on them. When you forgive it better be of a reasonably high level.
14. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, a fantasy about a man who grew younger not older. He grew smaller the longer his life went on, do you by holding on to those grudges?
15. Finally, the words you use in your life is what gives you your power. In Australia we are known for saying sorry for the simplest of things. So when you have cut someone deep those words have little effect, Try on Will you forgive me?
We had a frank and moving discussion that night when we went out and restored the relationship to nearer what it had been. I didn’t sat please forgive me. I will next time I see her.
Namaste until next time , my dear friends
I am an Interculturalist 